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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: gate2wire

"no sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn-up back...
bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff...
muscle in my shoulderblade...told me to 'eff' myself.

"If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all..."

Ummmm....my "give a damn's busted"?


181 posted on 05/13/2005 3:11:52 PM PDT by Purrcival (Is franksolich right? Are Andy Stephenson and DUmmie "greatauntoftriplets" one and the same?)
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To: Roscoe Karns

here = hear


182 posted on 05/13/2005 3:12:03 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: Welsh Rabbit; franksolich; PJ-Comix
Fishing for sympathy is a very unbecoming trait. What kind of "man" starts an entire thread to whine about not being able to sleep? (I know, we already know the answer...)

Another unbecoming trait is acting "highly offended" when people dare to question your "veracity" when asking for thousand$ of dollar$ and providing NO good proof of the need, or any accountability for how the money will be spent. Undie has honed this skill to a science. It is a common, high-pressure, guilt-tripping tool used by many a con man (or "buncombe" artist - thanks, franksolich, for that word - I learned it from you).

183 posted on 05/13/2005 3:17:44 PM PDT by Purrcival (Undie (aka F.A.T.A.S.S) - the Master of the Guilt Trip)
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To: SandyInSeattle

Ooh, I've got a new tagline thanks to you. :^)


184 posted on 05/13/2005 3:19:16 PM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: KJC1

You're welcome! :-)


185 posted on 05/13/2005 3:20:32 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Official RKBA Landscaper and Arborist, Pajama Duchess of Green Leafy Things)
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To: Celtjew Libertarian
Like one can jump up in the middle of the night and find a partner to have sex with.... Well, I can, but that's because I'm married to "a monogamous partner of the opposite gender." (*gasp*) WHAT? And that's not considered RAPE???? /sarcasm
186 posted on 05/13/2005 3:21:18 PM PDT by Purrcival (Undie (aka F.A.T.A.S.S) - the Master of the Guilt Trip)
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To: I_like_good_things_too

Verifiable Paper Generic Cashiers Checks.


187 posted on 05/13/2005 3:24:05 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: Petronski; PJ-Comix; franksolich

Hey Will - How about some METALLICA?


188 posted on 05/13/2005 3:25:33 PM PDT by Purrcival (Undie (aka F.A.T.A.S.S) - the Master of the Guilt Trip)
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To: speed_addiction

I meant you know the effects of meth. As for drinking...got to get to what's left in my Early Times bottle. Don't want it to evaporate while gone for the weekend.


189 posted on 05/13/2005 3:25:52 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: steve-b; All

Okay, so I called Verity CU in Seattle and was able to confirm that these two cashier's checks were issued to the correct payee (JH) and for the amounts stated. So the checks are good. Now, that doesn't mean they've been given to JH, but they aren't forged.


190 posted on 05/13/2005 3:26:03 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: Petronski; franksolich; PJ-Comix

Hey, Will - How about some METALLICA?

I'm talking, of course, about "Enter Sandman".


191 posted on 05/13/2005 3:27:15 PM PDT by Purrcival ("Say your prayers, little one, don't forget, my son, to include everyoooooooone...")
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To: PJ-Comix

Bummer! Who would want to be removed from the DUFUs?


192 posted on 05/13/2005 3:29:38 PM PDT by Purrcival (A day without the DUFUs is like a day without sunshine.)
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To: Krodg
Whoa~ wait a minute here....

We've got conflicting stories now (like we didn't know this before):

Originally Posted by Magnolia flyarm (1000+ posts) Mon May-02-05 10:08 PM Response to Reply #9

14. this is b.s.!!!!! i have read andy's medical reports..i have read

the reports that he has a tumor that has cancer cells..

i needed that report to give to my husbands employer who was the man who assisted us in getting andy into John's Hopkins and to this doctor/surgeon!! this is utter bullshit!!

and my husbands employer is a lawyer and a top lawyer in this country who did the aspestos suits..so he surely knows medical reports!!!!!!!

i held the medical reports in my hands and faxed them to this top notched lawyer!! in baltimore!!

fly

Then there's this as found by Krodg:

flyarm Donating member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Thu Apr-28-05 07:00 PM Response to Original message

72. where is ELIZABETH EDWARDS WHEN WE NEED HER?? ELIZABETH WE NEED YOUR HELP!

ELIZABETH ...if you are online...we need help..do you have any people you can call and ask for help...we have gotten help from the balt orioles owner to get Andy into john's hopkins...but we desparately need your help!!

i will give you my phone number...in a pm if you want..this is life and death for Andy..and he worked so hard for the john's to expose the fraud ..before the election and has worked tirelessly since the election..with both susan truitt, and Congressman Conyers in ohio and florida...please if you can get us help we will be forever indebted to you...

i will even promise to work non stop for John..what ever it takes..

pleaseeeeee if you could help us...

fly

Can someone explain that to me? *is still confused*

193 posted on 05/13/2005 3:30:05 PM PDT by lutz
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To: Charles Henrickson; franksolich; PJ-Comix

On the "other" Undie thread, franksolich said that it appeared that Undie and DUmmie "greatauntoftriplits" appeared to be the same person. Someone else said that the DUmmie picture of "greatauntoftriplets" looked like Undie in a black wig. And dear "greataunt" always seems to be the first response, about four minutes behind when someone in DUmmieland starts a new thread wondering about how to donate to Undie.

Could someone please post a picture of Undie and "greataunt" side-by-side?


194 posted on 05/13/2005 3:34:13 PM PDT by Purrcival (Is franksolich right? Are Andy Stephenson and DUmmie "greatauntoftriplets" one and the same?)
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To: I_like_good_things_too
Okay, so I called Verity CU in Seattle and was able to confirm that these two cashier's checks were issued to the correct payee (JH) and for the amounts stated. So the checks are good. Now, that doesn't mean they've been given to JH, but they aren't forged.

Riiiiiight. How would you possibly "look them up" with no bank info or other ID info? Nor are random people usually allowed access to people's private financial records.
195 posted on 05/13/2005 3:34:32 PM PDT by halieus (FR cracks UNDIEGATE!)
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To: I_like_good_things_too
If so, Undie could have simply gotten them, then returned them for the money back as said on CU.
196 posted on 05/13/2005 3:39:33 PM PDT by lutz
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To: PJ-Comix; CounterCounterCulture

Piper's Pit was awesome, especially when he smashed the coconut on Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka's head. :-)


197 posted on 05/13/2005 3:41:06 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: halieus

actually, some other poster on the old thread found the bank info off the routing number (post 1415). He evidently got the bank info from http://www.fedwiredirectory.frb.org/results.cfm.

And as a former bank employee, I assure you, people call to verify checks all the time. They didn't tell me who issued it, but they verified the date, payee & amounts. You can do it yourself if you'd like.

I understand your suspicion. However, please note that just because a cashier's check has been issued does not mean that he has given them to JH or anything-- he can at a later date place a stop pay on them and get the money back (minus some charges). Check into it yourself if you don't believe me-- it's not hard, I did it with two toddler running circles around me.


198 posted on 05/13/2005 3:42:41 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: lutz

Yes, I agree and that is my latest suspicion. But I wanted to put the "are the checks fake" to rest so that no one wasted their valuable time on that part. I'm surprised no one else called before me.


199 posted on 05/13/2005 3:43:44 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: PJ-Comix
And speaking of the previous DUFU edition titled, "'About the Andy Stephenson situation'---Skinner," it has gotten a WHOPPING 25,000 views and over 1650 Replies as of this posting. So if Mary Matalin wants to know just how popular a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) would be, I think those stats should answer that question.


I wonder low long it will be before TIA uses those stats to prove that Kerry Won the Election...
200 posted on 05/13/2005 3:45:13 PM PDT by miskie
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