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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: Repub4bush

I know! I can't stop laughing!

Absolutely pathetic!!!


141 posted on 05/13/2005 12:18:16 PM PDT by KJC1
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To: KJC1

Stacy sounds like a Freeper trying to win over the DUmmies before going on offense.


142 posted on 05/13/2005 12:21:16 PM PDT by NEPA
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To: BadCat13
You're absolutely 100% correct! I resized just that portion as shown below.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

143 posted on 05/13/2005 12:22:29 PM PDT by lutz
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To: speed_addiction
Her diagnosis? Pancreatitis.

woo hoo! I may have guessed correctly for once.

Where's my kewpie doll?
144 posted on 05/13/2005 12:39:28 PM PDT by halieus (from the D)
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To: lutz

Is that the edge of the check, or just the edge of the colored portion? It looks sorta like the check has a white border, and the words are just extending over onto the white border, possibly.


145 posted on 05/13/2005 12:46:48 PM PDT by Proud 2BeTexan
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To: freedumb2003

No, it's syphilis.

Liberalism is just another symptom.


146 posted on 05/13/2005 12:52:06 PM PDT by stands2reason (It's 2005, and two wrongs still don't make a right.)
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To: gate2wire

<*font color="red">your text here</font>

but remove the *


147 posted on 05/13/2005 12:55:53 PM PDT by Fenris6 (3 Purple Hearts in 4 months w/o missing a day of work? He's either John Rambo or a Fraud)
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To: SandyInSeattle

It's killing me too.


148 posted on 05/13/2005 12:58:51 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: Proud 2BeTexan

It could be still be actually on the fraudulent check. But why is it in a different font from the other typing? CUSTOMER COPY would be pre-printed on the CUSTOMER COPY don't you think? Also, the memo line is redacted on both "checks". The DUmmies claim this is because it contains Undies patient ID. Well, there's a lot more "Patient ID" on one "check" than there is on the other.


149 posted on 05/13/2005 1:10:30 PM PDT by BadCat13
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To: BadCat13

Good points!

I just want to reiterate my earlier assertion (now buried in the mega-thread) that a check to a hospital, especially one the size of JH, would have to be made out to a very specific department, not just "JH Hospital".

This is easily verifiable if someone's willing to call JH, pretending they need to send a check as prepayment, and ask how to make it out.


150 posted on 05/13/2005 1:15:07 PM PDT by halieus (FR cracks UNDIEGATE!)
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To: mozrock

What disturbs me most about these checks is the lack of bank name/ address on them. The purpose of giving the customer a copy of the cashier's check is for their records. Let's say 5 years down the road, someone wants to "prove" they paid for something. Just showing a copy of the cashier's check is meaningless-- you have to show that it actually cleared the issuing institution (because, people sometimes "lose" cashier's checks and have to have a new one reissued-- or merely turn it in for a refund because they didn't need it/ it was made for the wrong amount/ the deal didn't go through/ etc...). The only true verification of undie's situation would be through a paid bill at JH, tied to these check numbers.

It all seems very suspicious to me, considering the documentation that could easily be provided.


151 posted on 05/13/2005 1:16:09 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: PJ-Comix
I don't know much about reactions to drugs, but isn't Pitt's combination of physical and mental distress symptomatic of crystal meth addiction?

Ask speed_addiction. He's the expert.


Don't even drink, Dude. Never have, Never will. Same thing with Drugs. Never have, never will.
152 posted on 05/13/2005 1:19:13 PM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: KJC1

It's obvious to me that "converted_democrat" is a Freeper with a bad cover story.


153 posted on 05/13/2005 1:27:58 PM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
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To: PJ-Comix

The poofed Pied piper is just ten dollars away from a deep sleep.


154 posted on 05/13/2005 1:29:57 PM PDT by WinOne4TheGipper (This haunted tagline is for sell on e-Bay.)
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To: speed_addiction

Hey speed,
I just emailed a copy of the check receipts to an LE friend that works check fraud. Hopefully I will get a reply soon.
Not sure how much he will be able to tell from the copies, but hopefully something damning.... ;)


155 posted on 05/13/2005 1:35:52 PM PDT by Repub4bush (Mark Levin the next supreme court justice! :))
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To: speed_addiction

Thanks. :^)


156 posted on 05/13/2005 1:50:07 PM PDT by KJC1
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To: finnman69

"It's obvious to me that "converted_democrat" is a Freeper with a bad cover story."

Sorry, I'm not very good at lying. ;)


157 posted on 05/13/2005 1:50:53 PM PDT by imskylark
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To: All

They must have a crystal ball at the dump! I'll skip the plea for money in Feb when they thought he was jaundiced, and jump to April. They were going to schedule the surgery for June 2 until the DR. at Johns Hopkins saw his records on April 27. Of course all they can produce are 'documents' for tests taken the day after he should have had surgery on May 10.

Response to Original message
65. can everyone send this out to their internet groups and web sites??



please....and beg if you must...this is not a time to be shy...andy needs this surgery...its imperative!!

we need the help now!!

and if you promise to send pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee do..

the tumor is cancerous..and needs to come out now!!
they first scheduled it for jun 2nd..until the doc at john's hopkins saw his records yesterday..and he said ..andy needs the surgery NOW!!

PLEASE WE NEED EVERYONES HELP..PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD..

and i thank you from the bottom of my heart ...and so does Andy...

he is scared ...but brave folks...and god knows it could be any of us or our kids or parents facing what Andy is..
and it sucks he is in this position..but when your employer doesn't cover you with insurance like they are supposed to..and then you can't even get cobra..

well........welcome to * world...

please do what you can...

i love you all ..fly

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3561640


158 posted on 05/13/2005 1:59:11 PM PDT by Krodg
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To: imskylark

Pied piper Pitt is having a hard time with the lounge lizards....http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3247231


159 posted on 05/13/2005 2:01:32 PM PDT by BadCat13
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To: BadCat13

Plus, if it was his patient i.d. written there, I'd think they'd want to leave it - for a little more proof that he's actually a patient!!


160 posted on 05/13/2005 2:02:01 PM PDT by Proud 2BeTexan
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