Question for my Fellow Freepers...

March 23, 2005 | Hildy

[Hildy]

You are in your 20's, and you're visiting somebody in the hospital. You pass by a room where somebody is all contorted up, in a vegitative state. Would you say to your husband:

a)Honey, Don't ever let me live in that condition.

b )Honey, If I ever get like that, please make sure you do everything in your power, whatever the cost to you and our family, financially and emotionally, to keep me in that vegitative state no matter how long it takes. I want you to come and sit by my side every day and go home alone every night. I want to have strangers tend to my most personal needs. If I don't respond in four or five years, make sure I'm kept alive by a feeding tube in my stomach. And, most importantly, if you're not sure if I know what's going on around me, please err on the side of caution and keep me in that bed, indefinitely.

Remember, you're 24 years old. Which one would you pick?

[Trust but Verify]

The end result is the same.

[WinOne4TheGipper]

1) The question is based on the assumption that she's in a vegetative state. She isn't.

2)She is going through pain the likes of which none of us will ever know. She is being denied food and water. If that's death with dignity, I want to live as long as possible, or perhaps I'll just off myself that way I wouldn't be a "burden" to those who would do the same to me out of "compassion". At least it would keep them from profiting from my demise.

[Hildy]

I get it, Jim. :)

[Dog Gone]

You get a living will. If you don't have the sense to do that, you deserve whatever happens to you.

I agree with that, although it also has ramifications for your family. By not doing a living will, you might unintentionally put your family on welfare.

If you're on welfare to begin with, it's a no-brainer.

[DoctorMichael]

a)"Honey..........."
b)"Honey..........."

The answer to your question is neither and here's why:

As I've grown older, and have been screwed over a few times, I've learned that when it comes to stuff like this the ONLY thing that matters is whats written on a piece of paper; Verbal argreements don't mean diddly nowadays.

Neither.

[Hildy]

You're wrong on #1 and wrong on #2.

[dennisw]

I do not believe Terri contemplated this situation. It was more likely, when uttered, based on someone on full life support, not just on feeding.

Who knows what if anything Terri uttered? Michael Schiavo cannot be trusted on anything about Terri, including what she probably never said.

[E-Mat]

Yeah, right.
It's a poor question with loaded choices.

You forgot the following more common and better choices of a 24 yr. old:

c) Wouldn't say anything because you don't spend your young wonderful life worrying about all the awful things that could happen to you.

d) "Honey, I always want you to do what is right. You and I may not want me to go on in a such a state, but I sure as hell don't want be dehydrated and starved to death. Other than that, I want you to always remember the following: The most important thing in life is not comfort or state of body and mind. The most important thing is loving and being loved. As long as there is someone who loves me and wants to take care me, let them if that is what they want to do. And if there is no way that I can any longer share in that love in this world, I suggest pulling the plug. And if you should forget anything that I'm telling you right now, I'm going to come back from the dead and eat the worthless brains right out of your thick skull.

[Hildy]

I think you are very wrong. That is exactly what people say when they are younger.

[Aussie Dasher]

Indeed, the end result is the same. However, a drive-by shooting and death by natural causes has the same effect too. It comes down to intent.

[Repealthe17thAmendment]

Pull the plug and live YOUR life, I'd say to my wife.

Ditto.

[NY-YANK]

If the odds were against recovery, I would want to be let go. Thats no way to live life. The sooner it's over the sooner my loved ones could heal and move on with their lives.

[eastforker]

Wwhat you want at 24 can differ at fifty.

[Hildy]

Finally, some honesty on this board. I don't think there's anyone selfish enough to say the things some of you are saying.

[Two-Bits]

My sister died having ovarian cancer. When she was diagnosed, Stage IV, they only gave her 6 weeks. My sister decided to fight and do what she could to live. I don't know if you know the details regarding ovarian cancer but it is one of the most painful deaths to go thru. My sister was in the hospice hospital numerous times and they would tell her daughter she would not make it thru the night but she did and would go home after a couple of days. She remember one time, she heard the Doctor tell Lisa that she would not make it thru the night and heard her daughter crying. She said I could not talk but I was screaming in my head, "Baby don't cry, it is not my time yet" and totally pissed at the Doctor for upsetting her daugher. She would laugh and tell me if she was given a dollar for every time they told her she had just six days, she would be rich. My sister lived for two years and died on her terms. You could not give any member of our family any amount of money to take away those two years. You could not give my sister any amount of money to give up those two years no matter how painful it was for her. My sister went thru SEVERE PAIN and yet look forward and appreciated every day she was alive. I learned from her what TRUE HONEST LOVE IS. Never not even once did my sister complain, nor bemoan her fate. I thank God for those two years. She taught me how to live and love life and she drew our family very close. My sister was 45 when she died. She had just became a grandmother a year before she was first diagnosed. In those two years, she got to know her Granddaughter and her Granddaughter got to know her.

Words can not express the sadness that I feel for you right now.

[mrsmith]

I'd say "Honey, if I'm ever like that you keep me alive until you sue someone and get a bunch of money and transfer your affections to someon else- then starve me to death baby!"

Wait, I'd want lap dancers too! Well, they didn't have lap dancers when I was 24, but just for pretend let's say they did.

[Hildy]

But the issue is what she would have wanted at the age of 24. That's when her heart stopped.

[Trust but Verify]

She wasn't in danger of dying. She was in danger of losing her life, her dignity, her independeance, her dreams. She didn't die. She lost her life, her dignity, her independence, her dreams.

She already had a living will, it never came into play.

[the Deejay]

Yes, in my youth, I do recall saying just that. (Seeing my step dad's mother linger in a vegetative state for 3 months, before they pulled her feeding tube. I was 25 yrs. old at that time.)

Now, in my old age, I have it in a Living Will....for 8 yrs. now.

[Hildy]

That's a very intersting way of looking at it.