1.) When you show up in court, look as presentable as you can. Military haircut, suit, polished shoes, the whole thing. You want to look like you understand the importance of being a contributing, decent member of society.
2.) Have as many family members there as possible, also dressed like Sunday, and looking mournful and supportive, but NOT defensive.
3.) Don't act as though you blame the police, the court system, or anyone but yourself.
I say these things because a person who respects the system even though he violated it is less threatening than a person who denies the validity of the system. That's why, when you run a stop sign, you're better off claiming not to have seen it than saying you'll use your own damn judgment on when you'll stop or not.
I can't give any advice on the wife thing. It may be very important to you emotionally but I'm more concerned about your physical safety.
also show genuine remorse