Cooter to Eli Pariser, Director, Moveon.org

Trentino's Magazine ^ | 12,16, 2004 | Cooter Thompson

[Davis]

E-mail to Eli Pariser, Director, Moveon.org

From: James (Cooter) Thompson

re: Buying and Selling

Dear Mr. Pariser:

I am Designated Letter Writer for the guys down to Daryl's Bait Shop here in Lagniappe, Louisiana. I and Jack Boudreau and Armen Yazoo been communicating with your late candidate John Forbes Kerry for a number of months, actually since last May. We been advising him on matters of campaign tactics and strategy on a purely pro bono (for the public good) basis. You can find copies of our correspondence here.

We see you been at the same game full time and for considerable pay directing the operation at moveon.org. If we remember correctly, you were campaigning for Howard Dean during the run-up to the Iowa caucuses when he was the front-runner before Albert Gore Jr. endorsed him. It was you, wasn't it, who thought up that business of color coding—outfitting your people in orange caps and sending them scurrying through the entire state of Iowa to drum up support for Dr. Dean?

We doubt the persuasive value of orange caps or purple caps or blue caps—caps of any color. We know they were a failure, a disaster in Iowa and no help in the New Hampshire primary either. Colored caps don't tell us Daryl's regulars anything about how a candidate sees things and what he intends to do about them.

We are just average people here, and we suspect that average people in Iowa and New Hampshire think the way we do and want to know what a candidate's beliefs are and what his character is.

We remember you saying back in January that you thought "trying to change peoples' minds is overrated." You claimed you knew you had a majority of folks in your corner—you didn't specify how you knew it—so all you had to do was show them your orange caps and point them to the polls and you would win.

But of course it didn't turn out that way. Dr. Dean got afflicted with the screaming meemies and the cap caper cost him about $265 per vote in Iowa, near as Armen Yazoo can figure.

Just the other day, you sent around an e-mail concerning you and your organization's rightful place in the firmament of the Democratic National Committee:

"In the last year, grass-roots contributors like us gave more than $300 million to the Kerry campaign and the DNC, and proved that the party doesn't need corporate cash to be competitive. Now it's our party: we bought it, we own it, and we're going to take it back."

So you, Mr. Pariser, claim you represent the people who bought the Democratic Party? It's a done deal, you say. But down here in Lagniappe we don't consider something has been sold without a meeting of the minds, as Armen Yazoo puts it. (Armen graduated with high honors from Blackstone Correspondence Law School.)

Have you got a bill of sale for your purchase? We are suspicious of people claiming to have bought what another guy hasn't sold. We think it is very much like someone shouting "finders, keepers" concerning something he found before it got lost.

But leave that all aside. That's between you and the DNC. If the DNC figures you bought their Party, who are we to complain? We don't have a dog in the fight.

But we are interested in who those "grassroots" people are and what they stand for. Does "grass roots" include the likes of George Soros who gave you guys at moveon about $28,000,000—that's twenty-eight million dollars. Of course that is chump change for Soros but down here in Lagniappe it's regarded as a considerable sum of money.

You say in your e-mail that the D.C. "establishment" steered the Dems in the wrong direction, so consequently George W. Bush and the Republicans opened a can of whupass on you last November. You imply you know the way to win. But you coyly don't say how you propose to have your Party attract more voters to your side.

Me and Boudreau recommend you shed your shyness and tell us straight out what your ideas are and what changes you propose for the U S of A. We don't especially care for your hint that you despise corporations. It sounds like something that Ralph Nader would say—actually has said. And you know how many voters chose Nader in 2004—under 1%. So we urge caution when you contemplate turning left.

Armen Yazoo says the time is past when you can sell anti-free markets and anti-freedom to American voters. Even Marxist Red China has left Mao and his little red books moldering in the grave. The preponderance of us know that the way to prosperity and fairness and decency is through freedom.

If you think otherwise, have the kindness to let us know now. We won't try to reason you out of your position. We believe trying to change closed minds just doesn't work.

Sincerely,

Cooter (with the help of J. Boudreau, A. Yazoo, and A. Trentino)