Posted on 12/09/2004 11:38:45 AM PST by zetapsi
When I was thirteen, I had the best group of friends a kid could ask for. There was the goofball, the student, the lackey(s), the rich kid, and a few others who fit the various white suburban archetypes. As every other generation of the twentieth century, music was a large tie that bound us. The various groups of friends in junior high and high school were graphed according to their particular musical preferences, and ours was heavy metal. Not the fun metal of the 80's, but the dark, deep, and passionate metal of the early 90's.
The forefront of this effrontery was a band called Pantera. With its dark melodic tone and emboldened lyrics, Pantera provided legions of fans with an ethos they could adopt and call their own...and we did. We could recite all the lyrics and guitar riffs as if we had written them ourselves, and deep in our hearts we felt as though we had. This music was the manifestation of, and manifested, a cross-section of the American public that knew there was just something a little off about the world and what we were being packaged and force-fed.
I was awoken this morning by the voice of David Asman of Foxnews, as he read aloud that "Dimebag" Darrell Abbot, the Guitarist for Pantera, had been shot dead on stage performing with his new band Damageplan in Columbus, Ohio. My first thought was not of how this effected me and the music I so devoutly cherish, and not of the aforementioned legion of fans, I thought of Gabe.
Gabe was the spiritual leader of our little group of friends. He was one of us, a white suburban kid, but he had a rebel quality that we all wanted so badly. He was the kid with the sloppy long hair, the kid that had the new underground CD we hadn't even heard of yet, and the kid who had the affection of the girl we all liked. He was a sharply handsome kid, starkly resembling Luke Perry which he always detested being told, but would've probably rather been ugly just to protest against his parents' proper tones. Essentially, a true literary comparison to his place in the world is something like the "Chris Chambers" character in the film Stand By Me. As much as anything that was mythical about him, he was the first of the group to learn to play guitar. Soon enough, one could tell that he was a musician in the very core of his soul and we loved him for it.
When I got my guitar, in attempt to be him someday, Gabe would give me a few pointers. The first two songs he showed me how to play were "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath (invariably the first metal song one learns on guitar) and "I'm Broken" by Pantera. The guitar riff for "I'm Broken" is a relatively easy one, being that a musical beginner got the hang of it in just a few days, but it is one that has resonated my being and remains with me ever since. Sure its lyrics have a deep meaning within me and it was one of the first songs I learned on a guitar, but there is something greater within it. There is a sound deep within the deafening opening riff, and when you listen carefully, you will cry and yearn for a day that is gone.
The world takes its cruel turns, and Gabe and I no longer speak. I have always wanted to rectify this, but never has it been so painful as I cannot discuss the passing of a childhood hero with him, who was not far from the same distinction. To this day Gabe is as mythic to me as he was back then, perhaps even more so. It is counterproductive to dwell in the negative, and only G-d knows that I have served my sentence, but this day has reminded me that innocence once did truly exist. For this I am grateful, and once again from tragedy comes understanding. I don't know how Gabe is, or even who he is for that matter. I don't know whether he became the Rock Star I wanted him so desperately to become, but I'm not sure if I really care about that. Despite not knowing, something deep inside me tells me that he is fine, and that everything makes sense in his life, at least the way he would define it.
As I write this, I am seated in a crowded room where none of the people have any idea that someone so important died last night. I am wearing the "Pantera Shirt" that I got at my first Pantera Concert. This is the shirt I wore under my gown at my High School and College Graduation, and I wear it today to celebrate a man whose life taught me about who I am, and whose death has taught me about who I have become and that memories stay close to your heart no matter how distant they seem.
Today is a sad day, a hero has fallen. But Darrell Abbot was a different kind of hero. Sure he was a gifted Rock Star with millions of loyal fans, and inspired many to appreciate music and even make their own. But to Gabe, and I, and others, he was apart of something more. Pantera provided the soundtrack to our youth. They provided answers to questions that the rest of the world wasn't ready to ask. This violent death of one of my childhood heroes does not incline me to ask those dark questions, it makes me want to live again in the time when I thought I knew those answers.
Thanks for the response. Pantera reached music lovers of all persuasions as there music, though very heavy, has true scales and other correct musical theories. Headbanger's Ball was the best show ever!! We had a party at my buddy's house for its last show, it was awful when it was cancelled.
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