Posted on 11/02/2004 8:18:45 AM PST by PJ-Comix
Today’s Special Election Day DUmmie FUnnies editions starts off much earlier than I had planned. Why? Because yesterday I was suffering a bad case of the pre-election jitters. However, when I woke up this morning my mood completely changed since I am now secure in the knowledge that Bush will WIN big. However, the mood on the DUmmie site is now shifting from false optimism to downright gloom. You can see an example of DUmmie gloom on this THREAD appropriately titled, “I'm very used to having the American people disappoint the shit out of me.” And I think, DUmmie BurtWorm is correct since I am already laughing myself sh*tless at his DUmmie gloom. So take a break, relax, and enjoy this first of MANY special editions today of the DUmmie FUnnies. As usual, the doom and gloom DUmmie posts are in Bolshevik Red while, laughing at their despair, the commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:
I'm very used to having the American people disappoint the shit out of me.
[And Dan Rather will be experiencing a huge diarrhea attack tonight when the election results come in.]
I'm sorry, but election day has too often in my life been one of intense frustration over the profound idiocy of the American people. I'm in an angry mood. It's coming back to me that in 2002, I was misled into believing that an unusually large turnout for a mid-election was allegedly good news for Democrats. I think we all remember how bad the news was that day.
[BurtWorm is suddenly being splashed with a large dose of reality and it’s not a happy experience.]
Not intending to rain on anyone's parade, but elegies seem premature. We may be finding out that eulogies are more in order.
[And speaking of raining on parades, it’s now raining on heavily Democrat cities in a bunch of Midwestern Battleground States. With your eulogy tonight, would you like us to sing “Shall We Gather At The River” for musical accompaniment?]
Did you vote yet?
[Thus inquires Dummie molly of Burtworm, to which Burtworm responds gloomily:]
Not yet. You think that will help? The American people are going to have to earn back my trust. The American system is going to have to earn back my trust.
[No. It won’t help, BurtWorm. I want you to sit around on your ass all day waiting for the American people to earn back your trust. When they do so, they will send you a telegram. But no rush. If you miss voting today, you can always vote in the November 3 overtime election period tomorrow.]
Look - most of us have hope in our hearts - so if you want to be negative that's your business, but we don't need to hear about it today. OK?
[No, ,molly. I need to hear about it today. Burtworm is working wonders for my spirit.]
Did I say I was not going to vote? I voted in every other election that disappointed the shit out of me. I intend to vote in this one as well.
[And get the sh*t disappointed out of you AGAIN. But as I said earlier, Burtworm, you can always vote tomorrow in the special overtime election period.]
Most Americans feel they are doing the right thing when they vote for Bush.
[And DUmmie jpgray wins a Kewpie Doll for having the best moment of truth of the day!!!]
Hang your head in shame for posting that at this moment. How can you live with yourself?
[Simple. Burtworm can be happy in the knowledge that he is boosting the morale of the readers of the DUmmie FUnnies.]
Burt knows what kind of scams the GOP runs. Max Cleland shoulda won.
[Yeah, Cleland should have won but got knocked out by that silly little technicality of not having a majority of the vote.]
vote first, then bitch if you want....my two cents.
[Note to Burtworm: The special overtime election period is tomorrow.]
Burtworm, I've been thinking the same thing. We WERE told voter turn-out would produce Dem victories in 2002, and we got slaughtered. I need to remember this, not because I believe it will be the same today, but because it could be--and I don't want to go absolutely insane with depression if it all doesn't match our high hopes
[Shall we gather at the river,
Where bright angels he has brought,
With it's crystal tides forever
Flowing by the throne of God]
Exactly. Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Believe me, I don't want to be disappointed. It's the worst feeling in the world. But better to be prepared for the worst than to get socked, the way we usually are.
[Yes, we'll gather at the river.
The beautiful, the beautiful, river.
Gather with the saints at the river,
That flows by the throne of God]
Look, I have no doubt there are a lot of Bush voters turning out too. we just need to stay ahead of them. Indications are that the new young voters will win it for us. I saw a lot at my precinct this morning here in NYC. It looks like the late break is to Kerry in Iowa and Ohio. Stay positive, but if you sense a weakness- move to correct it!
[Ere we reach the shining river
Lay we every burden down,
Praise our spirits will deliver
And provide our robe and crown.]
I agree with you BurtWorm. I hope to hell they get it right this time. It will be a tragedy if shrub wins. What will it tell us about this country????
[Yes, we'll gather at the river.
The beautiful, the beautiful, river.
Gather with the saints at the river,
That flows by the throne of God]
BW, there is NO F'en WAY KERRY LOSES THIS ELECTION! BUSH IS A GONER, I AM POSITIVE OF THIS. I am not worried one bit, and I too was shocked by the 2k2 election results. It won't happen this time.
[Soon we'll reach the shining river,
Soon our pilgimage will cease,
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.]
Burt, I'm with you on your subject line. A majority of voting Americans can be colossally stupid and usually are. I've got to hope today will be an exception. But, I'm not betting on it.
[Yes, we'll gather at the river.
The beautiful, the beautiful, river.
Gather with the saints at the river,
That flows by the throne of God]
Be sure to wait for Sh0rtBus; he will be joining you.
Being a member of the NRA....I prefer to bring a stake and my gun with the silver bullets.
Maybe we can see em off with a weenie roast.....LOL.
Unlike you, PJ, I've been kind of worried about the election today. Thanks for lifting my spirits by letting me see the crushed spirits of DUmmies.
Doesn't it make you feel powerful? You can kill any of their threads, just by mocking it over here.
But they're the weenies! (And I'm vegetarian.) Let's give 'em a case of Schlitz and a bird watcher's guide to Canadian Birds.
PJ...I think I have fallen in love with you...are you married??...lol
Since the first DUmmie FUnnies that I read, I get all atwittered (is that a word?)when I get a ping from you..I think I'm fallin hard :Þ
Keep up the good work.
I've got to add this, a post by DUmbass Catwoman (once, twice, three times a lady):
I'm crying right now
I keep thinking about the past four years, and how Bush stole Election 2000.
I keep thinking about the rage I feel every time I see him on my television.
I keep thinking about the revulsion I feel every time he opens his stupid monkey mouth.
I keep thinking about how he spit in my face, and in the face of all my people, each and every f**king day.
I keep thinking about all of those poor people in Iraq who have been murdered by this monstrous asshole.
I'm trying not to watch the news. I don't even know if I will watch the returns.
I just know that I am overcome with so many emotions right now.
Bush is a f**king monster. A cancer. A dangerous murdering idiot.
And he has GOT to go.
I'll let you be MC. I'll say prayers before the roast and really set them off! BTW, not a vegan--do eat dairy and fish (anything that is not tortured before it is killed, so would eat hunted animals as well, just not slaughterhouse animals (bad karma)).
by all means, sign me up
We can give em' CD's of "Stolen Honor" and "Fahrenhype 911" as "Boobie prize" going away gifts....maybe you can come up with a "white elephant" gift.....something like my faded "Sore Loserman" coffee mug.......LOL. I just love being a part of the Freep family.......this is just too much fun!
Great post, great old hymn. I sorta think for the DUmmies, "Down by the Riverside" -- with its theme of "study war no more" might be more appropriate....or the old Shaker hymn "Tis the Gift to Be Simple(minded)"...
Thank you, PJ!
PJ,
LOL! These DUmmies are too much fun!
I told myself not to stress over this election day and spend it relaxing with like-minded friends and reading the DUmmie FUnnies. Thank you so much for making my day!
Since you posted this as Edition #1, I deduce that there will be an Edition #2, which I look forward to...hehehehe it should be a doosie!! LOL
Beth
A Mighty Fortress
A Mighty Fortress Is Our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and pow’r are great,
And arm’d with cruel hate,
Did we in our own strength confide,
Our striving would be losing;
Were not the right man on our side,
The man of God's own choosing;
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth his Name,
From age to age the same,
And he must win the battle.
And tho' this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us;
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us;
The prince of darkness grim,
We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure,
For lo! his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.
That word above all earthly powers,
No thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours
Through him who with us sideth;
Let goods and kindred go,
This mortal life also;
The body they may kill:
God's truth abideth still,
His kingdom is for ever.
On earth is not his equal.
Original German Words and Music by Martin Luther,English translation by Frederick Henry Hedge.
find later bump
Why do I feel I need a bath after going to that site??? Never been there before, won't be going back anytime soon...
Just so you're protected . . . it's a scary place over in that alternate universe . . .
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