I NEED YOUR BAD JOKES!

none ^ | now | me

[BluesDuke]

Moby Dick isn't a sexually transmitted disease.

Just watch - someone is bound to develop a Viagra variant and sell it under that brand name! ;)

[martin_fierro]

"I got in touch with my feminine side once, but it got a Temporary Restraining Order against me."

[GOPyouth]

Why didn't Hitler ever drink Vodka?

It made him mean.

[justsomedude]

What do you call a skunk in a courtroom?

Odor in the court.
ba dah bing!

[BluesDuke]

Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?
A: The Mafia won't ask you what right you think you have to want it back, even when taking your neck measurement for piano wire.

[Ouachita]

At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretches out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they then board an open 17th century coach pulled by six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons. So far everything is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British Empire and so powerful that it shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. But, embarrassed, the Queen decides it’s impossible to ignore it.
“Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand that there are some things not even a Queen can control.”
Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replies, “Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn’t said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses!”

[BluesDuke]

What do you call a skunk in a courtroom?

A lawyer.

[MadelineZapeezda]

What do you call a group of Polish men with turbans on their head???

a Pak-of-stanleys

(with apologies to the fine Polish people everywhere)

[swheats]

I never could get that joke

[GOPyouth]

a Pak-of-stanleys

LOLOLLOL

[justsomedude]

What do you call a skunk in a courtroom? A lawyer.

Ba da bing!

[Genesis defender]

Here's an oldie:

Jesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one: "What's troubling you, brother?" he said.

"My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can't see."

Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now 20-20 vision.

The next gentleman couldn't hear Jesus' questions, so The Lord just touched his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection. This man, too, ran out the door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.

The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even before Jesus could greet him.

"Don't you come near me, man! Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!"

[Liberal Classic]

Why do the French plant trees by the side of the roads?

Because Germans don't like to march in the sun.

[Genesis defender]

Student A: "So, do you think you'll pass the test?"

Student B: "The only way I'm going to pass this test is if I eat it first."

[boris]

Aibohphobia: Morbid fear of palindromes.

[Genesis defender]

This would be a bad one to find while at work:


THIS JOB IS A TEST.
IT IS ONLY A TEST.
IF IT HAD BEEN A REAL JOB,
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED BY
RAISES, BONUSES, AND PROMOTIONS.

[hosepipe]

If you reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer come out your nose.
- Deep Thoughts Jack Handy

[upchuck]

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies basking in the sun in lounge chairs.

When he looked closer, he saw they were all stark naked. He went to the front door and rang the bell.

When the director answered, the man asked if he realized he had nine naked old ladies in his front yard.

The director said: "Yes, I know. They all live here. They're retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale."

---

Hey, don't look at me... You titled this thread, "I Need Your Bad Jokes.

[BJungNan]

Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving through Arkansas and they pull into a gas station for gas. The attendant comes up to the door, leans down and says, "Hillary, I thought that was you when I saw you driving in. How the heck are ya. Good to see you again."

Hillary replied, "just fine, and it is good to see you too."

The attendant goes to the back of the car to put in the gas.

Bill looks at Hillary and says, "Well, he certainly seems to know you, and just who is that?"

"Him, oh, he's my old high school sweatheart," says Hillary.

Bill looks back at the gas attentant through the rear view mirror, then says, "Just think Hill, if you had married him, you'd be the wife of a gas station attendant."

Hillary replies, "No, if I had married him, he would have been the president.