'Cheap sex' is making men give up on marriage

NY Post ^ | September 2, 2017 | Larry Getlan

[EdnaMode]

Thanks to cheap sex, marriage may be doomed.

The share of Americans ages 25-34 who are married dropped 13 percentage points from 2000 to 2014. A new book by sociologist Mark Regnerus blames this declining rate on how easy it is for men to get off.

Regnerus calls it “cheap sex,” an economic term meant to describe sex that has very little cost in terms of time or emotional investment, giving it little value.

Regnerus bases his ideas, in part, on the work of British social theorist Anthony Giddens, who argued that the pill isolated sex from marriage and children. Add online pornography and dating sites to the mix and you don’t even need relationships.

The result is “two overlapping (but distinctive) markets, one for sex and one for marriage, with a rather large territory in between comprised of significant relationships of varying commitment and duration,” Regnerus writes in “Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy” (Oxford University Press).

In generations past, women generally made men wait until marriage to have sex. To get a wife (and, therefore, sex), men had to be clean and presentable and have a good job. This, Regnerus reasons, gave men all the motivation they needed to become respectable members of society.

Now with porn on-demand and greater reproductive freedom, sex is a commodity available at any time. This has left men with little motivation for marriage, writes Regnerus, who cites demographer Steven Ruggles’ prediction that one of every three people in their 20s will never marry.

[miss marmelstein]

I have a feeling this is going to turn into the usual bash-women thread that has grown so popular on FR with all the bitter, divorced guys chiming in, lol.

[Dilbert San Diego]

Society has changed, the interactions between the two sexes has changed, birth control is better than ever, abortion as a back up is legal and easily available. There are a whole host of things which have changed in society, to cause us to get to this point.

[piytar]

Only 50%? Where do you live? I want to move there. And a lot of the ugly is not physical, esp. in places like LA, it goes to the bone.

[Leep]

I am not so sure this isn’t somewhat true.
Look at all the single “adults” still living at home.
Why buy the milk if the cow is free.
And why bother to leave the farm if you arnt really expected to work for your keep?

[Dilbert San Diego]

I hope it doesn’t devolve that way. There are serious issues related to marriage and family and interactions between the two sexes. I sure hope we can all discuss in a reasonable intelligent, dare I say, an adult civilized manner.

[Maceman]

Women made men wait to marriage?? In what world did that happen?

It was the world that Richard Pryor referred to as "the great p*ssy drought of the 1950s."

[Vaquero]

B-B-B-baby baby baby why you wan’ treat me this way
You know I’m still your lover boy I still feel the same way
That’s when she told me a story, ‘bout free milk and a cow
And said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until I get a weddin’ vow
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

[Chainmail]

"Some of us knew that in 1968."

Some of us heard that even earlier: Sister Thomas Frances told us that "Birth control would lead to promiscuity, promiscuity to more divorces/fewer marriages, fewer marriages to fewer children and greater depression. Then there will be a push for abortion on demand, euthanasia, then Homosexuality will become common".

We thought that she was exaggerating (as nuns did, back in 1962) but she was right.

[CGASMIA68]

all the bitter, divorced guys chiming in.

We/you/us really don’t know who is who on this thing so it seems to be an unsubstantiated remark.

[dfwgator]

Too many young women these days look like overweight, sexless blobs.

With nose rings and tats.

[equaviator]

“with porn on-demand and greater reproductive freedom, sex is a commodity available at any time.”

$300+ per hour is not cheap. Even then, you might be talking about her having a “look but don’t touch” policy. “Cheap sex”...yeah, sure.

[neverevergiveup]

“Men didn’t really change. Women changed. Then men re-prioritized.”

Lot's of truth in that statement. It's no longer about equality, mutual deep respect, commitment, and willingness to sacrifice for each other. Now it's about women vs men, women being better than men, women being powerful, etc. Anyone of either gender who can't get past themselves enough to give adequate value to the life and dreams of a partner shouldn't get married.

[Olog-hai]

“Abolition of the family! Even the most radical flare up at this infamous proposal of the Communists.” …

— Manifesto, ch. 2

24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them “censorship” and a violation of free speech and free press.
25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio and TV.
26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as “normal, natural, and healthy.”
27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with “social” religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a “religious crutch.”
28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the principle of “separation of church and state.”
29. Discredit the American Constitution by calling it inadequate, old-fashioned, out of step with modern needs, a hindrance to cooperation between nations on a worldwide basis. …

— The Naked Communist, ch. 12

Same old tactics as before, except they are entrenched far more deeply these days.

[Mears]

“From what I’ve seen, American physical attractiveness peaked in the early 1960s (for both sexes).”

—

Nah,you’re just getting old-——old people always feel that way.

.

[kaehurowing]

American women are singularly unattractive. They dress, look and act like prostitutes. Why is anyone surprised this is the result?

[umgud]

I too will bemoan the ramifications on marriage, which society needs lots of.

But, there’s always a but. The consequences of a bad marriage on a man cause many not to go there. Not saying it is rosy for the female.

[moovova]

“...meant to describe sex that has very little cost in terms of time or emotional investment, “

I have no problem with the time or emotional investment...it’s the alimony that wrecks me.

[equaviator]

Thanks for bringing it up. It’s those “OTHER” reasons that you don’t hear much about. Why is that?

[Olog-hai]

If “men re-prioritized”, then they didn’t develop character themselves. It still takes two to tango, as the saying goes.

[thecodont]

Back in the old days, before the social upheavals of the ‘60s, before the birth control pill, women being virgins at marriage was much more common.

Of course not everyone was a virgin bride. But more were than nowadays.

There were also “shotgun” weddings back in those days, so that couples who jumped the gun made it right by getting married.

I wonder, what year was the "tipping point" for this? During what year did social expectations shift in the direction of having sex before marriage vs. waiting until marriage? I know the decline was gradual, but there was a definite shift at some point. I remember in the early '90s a girl tried to describe her live-in boyfriend as her "fiance." These days, if a woman says she has a boyfriend (not husband or even fiance), she has to explain/defend why they are living apart and not together.

These days, the people who decide to wait for marriage are seen as the rebels and freaks.

I wonder about those who (bitterly) joke that their sex life ended with marriage rather than began with marriage.