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WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE MOUTH OF THE SOUTH

1. Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
2. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
3. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
4. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
5. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
7. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
8. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
9. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
10. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
11. Always drink upstream from the herd.
12. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
13. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
14. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
15. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
16. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
17. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's real important to know what it was.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
19. Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
20. If you are ever lost in the woods, the quickest way to find your way out is to find a set of armadillo tracks. They'll lead you straight to the highway.

Evening Everyone! Good to see you all.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE WOLF
by Roald Dahl

As soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?'
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
'He's going to eat me up!' she cried.
And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.
But Grandmamma was small and tough,
And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough!
'I haven't yet begun to feel
'That I have had a decent meal!'
He ran around the kitchen yelping,
'I've got to have another helping!'
Then added with a frightful leer,
'I'm therefore going to wait right here
'Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
'Comes home from walking in the wood.'
He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,
(Of course he hadn't eaten those.)
He dressed himself in coat and hat.
He put on shoes and after that
He even brushed and curled his hair,
Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.
In came the little girl in red.
She stopped. She stared. And then she said,

'What great big ears you have, Grandma.'
'All the better to hear you with,' the Wolf replied.
'What great big eyes you have, Grandma,'
said Little Red Riding Hood. 'All the better to see you with,' the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I'm going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma
She's going to taste like caviar.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said,
'But Grandma, what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.'

'That's wrong!' cried Wolf. 'Have you forgot
'To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?
'Ah well, no matter what you say,
'I'm going to eat you anyway.
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature's head
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.
A few weeks later, in the wood,
I came across Miss Riding Hood.
But what a change! No cloak of red,
No silly hood upon her head.
She said, 'Hello, and do please note
'My lovely furry WOLFSKIN COAT.'