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WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE MOUTH OF THE SOUTH

1. Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
2. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
3. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
4. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
5. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
7. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
8. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
9. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
10. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
11. Always drink upstream from the herd.
12. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
13. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
14. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
15. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
16. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
17. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's real important to know what it was.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
19. Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
20. If you are ever lost in the woods, the quickest way to find your way out is to find a set of armadillo tracks. They'll lead you straight to the highway.

I received this in my email today. It's not poetry, but it's *fun*:

26 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY MIDDLE AGE:

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church/temple/mosque doesn't make you religious any more than
standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite Government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
26. Men age like fine wine, women age like milk.

"DON'T QUIT"
Author Unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will.

When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with the twists and turns,
AS everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up through the pace seems slow.

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse,
that you must not quit.
This poem was sent to me long ago from my dear Mom when I was going through some difficult times.