[rwfromkansas]

How do you avoid making it sound like an interrogation when you do this....? This girl seems to be fairly quiet herself and it felt like an interrogation when we kept asking eachother our interests on the date and I do not want to have that happen again just being friends.

BTW, I am trying to start friendships with guys as well, obviously. My roommate and a friend of his down the hall watched a movie yesterday and I would have went except for me having to do something at the time. And, I will try to develop something with one guy that is in the group that I sit with at lunch (and also the one I hung out with once).

[Jen]

Well, are you able to laugh at yourself?

If I were in that situation and it felt like I was interrogating someone, I would say something like "Gee, this seems like I've been interrogating you. Now, you can interrogate me for awhile. hahahaha" Or something goofy like that. I would try to make a joke of the situation to put us both at ease.

Do you and this girl have any interests in common?

[VRW Conspirator]

You questions indicate that you have wisdom and guts to ask.

This will be a most exciting journey if you allow it to happen. First, I beleive, is for you to change your perspective. To add to AntiJen's thoughts, when you ask people about themselves, make sure you acknowledge their answers when they respond to your questions. Here is a simple example:

Where are you from?
-Iowa
Iowa? What town? (-city? -parts? etc.)

Now that you acknowledged their response with, say, another question, ask them about their major or what they do or more about where they are from. The key is to appreciate what they say. Here is an example:

Iowa is known for farms among other things, did you work on one?
-Yes, we grew a lotta corn.
Farming is hard work. I am glad I can get Corn Flakes and corn syrup so cheaply. (yeah, I know this is a little hokey, but you get the point)

Now you can continue the process.

Do you plan to take courses that will help you be a better farmer?
-Heck no. I am taking accounting so I can get off the farm.
Accounting is difficult. But you seem pretty smart and I know you know how to work hard. I am sure you will do well.

You will endear people to you because you have taken a genuine interest in them. Note that in these examples, the direction of the conversation did not have anything to do with you. You can relate the conversation to yourself if you want to. For instance, if you were a farmer, you might have added that as a note to your response.

The perspective is to become a gentle interviewer. Of course you do not want to dig too deep. In a phrase, turn on the "you" light on and turn off the "me" light. This is difficult for people who have a hard time maturing emotionally.

There are hundreds of books on such a subject. You are a student, aren't you? Then, I recommend that you get several of these book. As a matter of fact, I am of the firm opinion that "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie should be required reading for all college freshman. I could go on, but you have a path now (the books) to not only overcome the conversation barriers but to become master of the conversation. I am eager to hear the fantastic results you get after applying yourself.

[Lorena]

I can't believe that no one else has mentioned this ... I'd like to suggest that you read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. There's great advice in this classic and what I remember the most from reading it is what some of the others here have already advised you - be interested in other people. Get them talking about themselves and be a good listener. Follow up and draw them out on the little things they say. Remember what people tell you and the next time you see them you can ask them about it. For instance, if someone's going away for the weekend, then the following week you ask them how it went and what they did. The most interesting people are those who are sincerely interested in others.

I've seen your posts and you obviously express yourself very well and are not a dull person. You're smart, you're nice and sound like a great guy. Keep praying and believing that the Lord will bring into your life those friendships that he wants you to have. Don't try to be someone you're not ... be yourself but do your part by getting out, getting involved and being friendly.

Also, I think that you being nervous about what to say could be hampering your confidence and ability to converse. You could claim these verses for your own:

... do not be anxious beforehand how you shall reply in defense or what you are to say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour and moment what you ought to say.
(Luke 12:11,12 Amplified Bible)

His help will be there, allowing you to ...

Let your speech at all times be gracious (pleasant and winsome), seasoned [as it were] with salt, [so that you may never be at a loss] to know how you ought to answer anyone [who puts a question to you].
(Col. 4:6, Amp.)