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MAYOR Bloomberg's harsh anti-smoking law - already rubber-stamped by the City Council - could result in the loss of many national conventions, starting with the Republican Convention in 2004. James G. Tom, of NYC Citizens Lobbying Against Smoker Harassment, has written all 51 lawmakers warning he'll call for a Republican boycott.

The group fumes that the GOP is supposed to be the party of personal freedoms, lower taxes and less government: "The smoking ban goes against everything the Republicans are supposed to stand for," Tom said.

"Why would convention delegates who happen to smoke want to come to New York?" Good question.

....

JUST call him "Teddy From the Block." Pals of Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) missed a chance to see the liberal lion lampoon Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez after Kennedy canceled his annual holiday party.

We’re told Kennedy was set to play Affleck, with his wife Vicki as J.Lo, in a skit which also poked fun at presidential hopeful Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.).

But Kennedy’s comedic caper was canceled because Vicki is under the weather. In past years, the senator has played everyone from Austin Powers to the Grinch.

Insiders tell Roll Call that "Lopez" was going to tell "Affleck" that she was secretly in love with another guy from Boston. "Who is it - Matt Damon?" Kennedy was going to say. "No, John Kerry," Vicki was going to shoot back. And then came the Kennedy zinger about the carefully-coiffed Kerry, who has been accused of spending a bit too much time in front of the mirror: "But John Kerry’s already in love with himself."

Despite the wisecrack, Kennedy is expected to endorse Kerry for president, after a long flirtation with Sen. John Edwards (D-N.C.).

One more:

THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS

By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?

Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So! Drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. it's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission..

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember College?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Coconut Cream. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like coconut cream, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.