FINAL DRAFT OF SEGMENT TWO:
Mudboy Slim's Adolescence: The Roller Derby Years and
A Very Dirty Neigborhood Prank
According to a highly placed source (OK, someone who posted
here), for some time in the 1970s, Mudboy was involved in the Roller Derby. (Our source adds that "Mud's the one that told me this, so it may be embellished a bit.") He was wildly successful. His roller derby career earned the fortune that now allows him to write rework the lyrics of popular songs to reflect his conservative/libertarian views in contravention of this nation's copywright laws.
Mudboy in his early days, (notice the baby fat) wore the #36 jersey of the Richmond Renegades. (in final, do: img src="http://home.globaleyes.net/cbuck/midi/boydblock.jpg")
Shortly after this photo was taken, Mud went on a diet and was soon traded to... (in final, do: img src="http://www.multiboard.com/~rdpa/PHOTOS/SKATERS/63.jpg") ...the Petersburg Patriots, where he became a star member of the team, and it is with the Patriots that Mud made his vast fortune; which allowed him the small indulgence of buying the house of his dreams... (in final, do img src="http://spec.lib.vt.edu/imagebase/norfolksouthern/F1/NS4278.JPG") He shares this manse in the line that time forgot, Richmond Virginia, with his better half, Mrs. Mud and all the little Mudrats.
But apparently the fortune did not last . . . . Several Freepers, including ChadGore, Chad Fairbanks, Landru, and dubyagee, claim that Mudboy Slim owes them $ or at least an Ann Coulter book. Something about being denied a prize in a
contest, which gives you a fair idea of the amount of trouble this guy can cause here. Actually, no it doesn't, he can cause MUCH more, but that will be the subject of our Part III below.
But what about the name? Ah, yes the name. Well, as our intro photograph suggests, Mudboy Slim got his name due to his daring-do in a little known field in Virginia called "the mudpits." There, many of his neighbors and friends decided to play a practical joke by claiming that they liked to belly-flop in mud. They all got themselves Muddy, and then invited Mudboy along, and Mudboy took the bait. The rest is history. Mudboy realized that in fact he really enjoyed this activity. To this day, after a 'specially heated discussion with a liberal progressive, Muddy (as he is known to his many fans on Free Republic) likes to just go SPLAT!
Lurking behind the surname "Slim" is an even dirtier tale. I was in a dingy Mississippi Delta bar last year and I overheard this old black bluesman whispering about a "Howlin' Harp" northerner who got his moniker of "Slim" by selling his "vote" to a DemocRAT named "Slick" in some Arkansas blues joint return for incomparable musical ability. Slick gave Mudboy the name "Slim."
FINAL DRAFT OF SEGMENT THREE:
Mudboy Slim's Adulthood: The FREEPER years
Mudboy Slim has opinions and he gets them from Rush!! Tom Daschle was talking about Mudboy Slim recently! Ok, not really, Mudboy Slim has his own opinions, but, like Rush, he has his favorite hobby well-defined. You can't travel far in a Freepers Finest thread without encountering the warning:
Whuppin' Lib'rals is a favorite pasttime of mine...MUD.
With as much seriousness as we can muster, we do note: Mudboy Slim is serious about being a conservative activists. He lives near Richmond, VA, but he travels to DC regularly for DC Freeps. Here's a photo of our subject -- no really, you've waded through this muck this far, you're entitled to a REAL photo of him counter-protesting against anti-capitalist protestors:
(in final do: img src="http://community.webshots.com/rs2/1/26/56/51212656CbcNUx_ph.jpg)
On the biographical front, Mudboy Slim has other forms of fun, as evidenced by the occasional references to liquor in his post, the existence of "MudRats" in his "MudCave," and his regular attendance at fun DC counterprotests against various anti-Americans who periodically invade our nation's capital. Despite all the fun and all the exuberance, those with a more button-down approach need not doubt the strength of his conviction on his political beliefs. This fact perhaps sums-it-all-up" the night before a big DC Freep, that he was so excited about going that he was having trouble sleeping. Now *that's* political enthusiasm.
Mudboy Slim has not wasted his hard-won musical talents. He's got musical equipment and plays in a band and thinks and talks about music A LOT. All of us have enjoyed his reworked lyrics here on Free Republic. Even if it's a tune you don't know, the lyrics are fun to read.
Now, some of you may strongly suspect that portions of this biography aren't up to the highest standards of journalistic integrity you've come to expect from the Freeper's Finest. That's for the better. We have taken our inspiration today from Bob Woodward of the Washington Post. We also had help via a vanity thread where Mudboy Slim's fans shared their remembrances of his youth. These thread included expressions of fear should Mudboy Slim wake up early on a certain Saturday morning (apparently little chance of that!) and notice what we were up to: "You have a head start on Mudboy Slim, but I don't think it's enough. Since I'm doing this from a distance, ping if you need some close air support.#;^) Here's to responsible journalism!" Thus, we must credit the many would-be Freeper-Journalists who provided confirmation of every single fact in this story as well as the fiction. We don't want to tell you EVERYTHING about Mudboy in just our FIRST article about this unfathomable subject. "Some mystery becomes the proud." Robert Frost,
Take Something Like a Star. Besides, the vigorous, decidedly and exuberantly liberal-whoopin' stance of Mudboy Slim cannot be explained by a purely biographical approach. It has to be, rather, sung. And so we'd like to close out our biography with one of Mudboy Slim's new lyrics to an old tune . . . . Here's one of the Freepers' favorites. Let's all sing together, shall we?:
"Vile Forces"
(To be sung to the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses")
Bill thinks this Country is easy to fool,
Abusing his power, obstructing the truth!
Shameless traitor, Presidency's a sham,
You know we can't let this High Treason stand!
Vile forces hold Bill's critics at bay,
But wild, wild horses couldn't drive me away!
America's sufferin' a dull, achin' pain,
Networks can't hide it, their power has waned.
No explanation, no compromise...
Will make us feel better until Slick resigns.
Vile forces try to lead us astray...
Lib'ral "choices" drain our freedoms away!
It must concern you, Bill's sins and his lies,
But now Slick's beholden to his Communist spies.
Our faith's been broken, Bill must be tried,
He'll rot in prison to pay for his crimes!
Vile forces try to excuse it away,
Democrat voices remain silent today.
Vile forces mustn't lead us astray...
Righteous forces, they'll triumph someday!!
Muchas Gracias...MUD
Finally, it's perhaps music to all of our ears to hear that in a recent post, Mudboy Slim encouraged every one to attend CPAC. As Mudboy Slim would/has/will say:
FReepers, we must, and WE SHALL...
RE-IMPEACH. CONVICT. DETHRONE.
DISBAR. DE-PENSION. DE-LEGITIMIZE.
INDICT. CONVICT. IMPRISON. DISCARD KEY.
Please join your fellow FReepers in Washington, DC for the CPAC Convention (January 30-February 2, 2003)!! FReegards...MUDBTW...SlumberParty at Mudboy Slim's House!! Free Drinks. I'm going to kill FreeTheHostages for Making Up These Fake Party Invitations, BTW. WOOOOHOOOOO