US Army Voice Mail Message

StrategyPage.com ^ | 15 Sep 02 | StrategyPage.com

[11B3]

US Army Voice Mail Message

Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a detailed message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you.

As soon as we have sorted out Centeral Asia, the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, Communist China, and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call. Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, on weekends, or in bad weather.

Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please press 3 and speak slowly to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 4 for the Rapid Deployment Force and wait two weeks for delivery.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 5, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command for an additional fee of $10. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your butt off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and while watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line, Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you for trying to contact the United States Army.

[11B3]

hehehe - Take That, Air Force!

[DB]

Sorry, that didn't work for me.

[Robert A Cook PE]

But the phone number you gave for the Air Force didn't work ....

[Spacetrucker]

I resent that! The U.S.M.C. can take on more than that - the way I see it, we were usually the first ones called - If I remember correctly, the first ground troops in Afghanistan were Marines! Take that, ARMY!

[spetznaz]

You will either enjoy this ...or yell out loud that it is an insult. Either way PING!

[petuniasevan]

Hmmpphh. Groundpounders.

Worked my enlisted tail off so's the officers could go off to war.
USAF 1984-1988.

What's the Air Force battle cry?

"FORE!"

[LenS]

Actually, the first military on the ground in Afghanistan were those two Army Special Forces A-Teams sent to link up with the Northern Alliance north of Kabul and the warlord outside Mazar Sharif.

[M Kehoe]

Grunt bump. ;^)

5.56mm

[Northern Yankee]

Hey... we Airmen soften up the ground so the Army can play through!

[Scuttlebutt]

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please press 3 and speak slowly to the United States Navy.

I resent that. There is absolutely no need to speak slowly as long as there are a few expletive phrases sprinkled in that a Bosun' Mate can understand.

[Movemout]

I know that it is insulting, but I like it anyway.

[rangermedicswife]

Interesting how everyone seems to only remember the Marines ... thanks to the media, I guess. But our Rangers jumped into Camp Rhino and were conducting operations a week or so before the Marines even stepped foot on Afghan soil. And SF, Delta, and Navy SEALs were obviously in country well before that.

Two men, Ranger Stonesifer and Ranger Edmunds, gave their lives during that mission. But all anyone remembers are the Marines.

Don't get me wrong ... Marines have done their job incredibly well. Just setting the record straight and giving credit where it is due.

[Schmedlap]

Among the most notable skills of the Marine Corps is public relations. They are able to attract recruits. The Army commercials still annoy me. Army of One: come run in the desert, ride your motorcycle in the desert, wear your stupid beret incorrectly and look like a buffoon, but feel like you are elite. Maybe, somewhere in there, we can actually learn how to fight?

For the information of those who don't know better, Rangers do lead the way. Normany, Grenada, Panama. They were among the first in Afghanistan - before the Marines, before 101st and 82nd. They were the ones in harms way in Somalia, not sitting in a boat in the ocean. They trained for a mission that most will never learn about, during Desert Storm.

I don't particularly care about inter-service rivalry, but, just to set the record straight for those who bring it up...

One thing that I am jealous of the Marines for, is their common sense uniform changes. Boot that are not supposed to be shined and uniforms with better camouflaged, which are not supposed to be starched. What do we get? A beret, so that the logistics POS's will FEEL elite.

Of course, BDUs are not supposed to be starched either, but try and explain that to any E above E-4 or O above O-2. You can show them the excerpt from AR 670-1 and you're still wrong. Whatever.

[Gunrunner2]

>>hehehe - Take That, Air Force!<<

Oh yeah. . .well. . .remember those recruiting slogans? They where shortened for public release, but for your education, here they are (in full):

ARMY: "Be all that you can be. . .clueless and pathetic"
NAVY: "It's not just a job. . .it's a silly job."
MARINES: "The Marines, looking for a few good men. . .and a couple of hundred thousand dumba$$es."

Hehehehe. . .Cheers!
;-)

[strela]

NAVY: "It's not just a job. . .it's a silly job."

We in the Navy used the following self-referential form:

NAVY: It's not just a job ... its a trip."

[Gunrunner2]

Yeah. . .and after I spent 152-days aboard the USS LaSalle back in the late 80's, let me tell you, I felt like I was on a "trip" too, a bad one! Heheheh!

[strela]

I used the malediction repeatedly after being billeted directly under one of the steam catapults on the USS Enterprise. Earplugs were part of the standard uniform in our berthing spaces.