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A husband and wife are driving and they get pulled over by a policeman. The policeman gets to the car and asks for the man's license.

The man replies, "why do yo need my license? What did I do wrong?" The policeman answers, " You were traveling 45 mph in a 30 mph zone." "Come on officer", the man replies. "You know I was only going 35".

"No you weren't!", quips the wife, "I told you you were speeding! I told you not to go fast. I knew you'd get a ticket!"

"SHUT UP!", grunts the husband.

The policeman continues, "I'm also charging you for going through a red light back there." "Officer," the man explains, 'you know as well as I , that that light was yellow, not red." The wife pipes in, "No, it was most definitely red- I todl you it was red. I told you."

At this point the husband is infuriated. He yells at his wife, "SHUT UP!" The policeman exclaims, "Hey! Stop yelling at your wife!" He then turns to the wife and asks, "Does he always talk to you this way?" She calmly replies, "No. Only when he's been drinking."

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head.

The shop assistant said he would go ask his manager about the matter.

He said to his manager, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Minnesota sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota"
asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just wh**es and hockey players up there."

"Really?," replied the manager, "My wife is from Minnesota!!"

The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"

(I posted this 5/23/2000, true stories from Rush Limbaugh, but fits perfectly in this thread)

POST FAVORITE HILLARY & BILL STORY HERE

Government Humor
Posted on 05/23/2000 16:17:33 PDT by Las Vegas Dave

HILLARY:
My favorite of all time is, a few years back Rush stated that Hillary Clinton told a group that she was named after Sir Edmond Hillary, the climber of Mt. Everest!

Rush continued, "It seems that Hillary was born around 1947, and Sir Edmond climbed Mt. Everest around 1952". Rush continues, “...if she was named after Sir Edmond in 1947, she would have been named after an obscure bee keeper from New Zealand!"

BILL:
One of my favorite Bill stories is from the early 1993, (and I believe this one is also from Rush).
Bill was holding a press conference and one of the questions was, "...how will you answer the Republicans?" At that moment, POTUS seized the opportunity to end the press conference, turned around, and passed gas. POTUS's comment to the press, "They've been answered". (Or words to that effect!)