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You Might Be A Runner If...

..you move to a new neighborhood and after 3 months you know the streets better than your neighbor after 3 years.
..your shoes have more miles on them than your car does.
..you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper.
..you have chafing in strange places.
..people say, "You run three miles...at once?"
..you can spit while running.
..you go to a golf course to run.
..your temper is shorter that the distance that you ran.
..you combine phrases like "10 mile run" and "Easy Run" in the same breath.
..you can eat your weight in spaghetti.
..your highest heels are your training shoes.
..you debate the advantages of anti-perspirent vs. deoderant.
..you start the race in shorts and finish in a G-string.
..if you schedule dates around meets.
..you spend more on training clothes than school clothes.
..you wear those same training clothes to school regularly.
..your chest is as flat as your back.
..your Saturdays for the next 4 years are ruined.
..you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
..you were asked to be an extra for Schindler's List II.
..your favorite food group is carbohydrates.
..you can strip and change in a bus seat in less than 2 minutes.
..you have trouble benching the bar.
..when you do bad you get to play longer.
..you find yourself in the middle of a football player's joke.
..you are always hungry.
..you have no life besides running.
..your weekends are shot.
..you can sharpen an axe blade on your calves.
..the cafeteria ladies look good in the morning.
..you can maintain a 5:30 pace uphill while throwing up.
..you try to impress girls by saying you're a fast finisher.
..you are bankrolling your physical therapist's next vacation.
..your girlfriend can bench more than you.
..you own spandex in more than 1 color.
..you foam at the mouth everytime you see a big hill.
.."Chariots of Fire" is actually entertaining to you.
..You know the distance to and from work/the gym/the local taqueria down to the closest 100 yards.
..Talking about the color of your p!ss comes as natural as talking about the weather.
..You have no qualms about taking a Sharpee and writing all over a brand new pair of $80 shoes.
..You have no qualms about throwing out those same shoes only a month after buying them.
..You get a haircut before a race but not before a big date.
..Your feet look like you've spent 10 years in a Vietnamese POW camp.
..You eat 5 squares a day and limit snacking to 5 times a day too.
..You know how many grams of carbs there are in a banana.
..You wash your shorts in the shower.
..a football game has 12:57 remaining and all you think is that would be awesome if that was my 5k PR.
..you are from the US and you think in terms of meters not feet or yards
..all your white shirts have mud spots up the back of them
..while everyone is sleeping you are up running, and while everyone is awake you are sleeping
..you are up watching ESPN at 2am (when they actually show the race coverage)
..you know every PR you have ran at every distance, even your friends', teammates', and idols' PRs.. to the tenth of a second... not to mention of weeks back...but you have trouble remembering things like your phone number or your mom's birthday
..you have 5% bodyfat yet you don't live in Somalia
..you feel one second is a lot of time
..People are always asking if you're sick
..You're insulted when someone mentions how healthy you look
..You understand the speed limit signs in Canada
..You can name a person from Namibia, Djibouti and Zimbabwe
..You've said "she'd be one hell of a pole vaulter" at a strip club
..Your school notebooks are covered with split times
.."Forrest Gump" really p!ssed you off (like he wouldn't have gotten shin splints) HELL YEAH...
..You know more about the treadmills than anyone who works at the gym
..The doctor fell asleep during your stress test
..You buy a box of cereal for each day of the week
..On trips you gauge distance left by how many "long runs" it equals
..4 minutes is a sacred duration of time