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The Lounge is open!

For those of you who have never met me and wonder if I DO have warts, nostril hair, and dirty hands - here is the pic of Just another Joe and the missus at FRiva Las Vegas.

Just another Joe and lovely missus.

Good morning Joe. How are you? Rumor has it that you are a handsome devil......

Could I please have one of your special Bloody Marys?

Good Morning!!!!

Glad you had such a good time in Vegas!!!

Good Morning all.

Safeway in Menlo Park (20 mi s. of san fran) cigs are $6. good lawd.

Hiya Joe.

Just a shot of Jack Daniels for the road. Then I'm computerless till Monday out in the great outdoors.

Glad you and your lovely wife had a good time at FRiva.

Joe, please, set me up a cold frosty one and I'll tell you a story. I don't remember where I heard it, hope it wasn't here last week.

A priest and a rabbi are seated next to each other and start talking. The priest asks about the rabbi not eating pork. The rabbi explains that the pig is considered unclean and that no Jew would touch one.

The rabbi the asks the priest about being celibate. The priest explains that in the Catholic Church that the focus should be on the study of God and the teachings of Jesus and that no distracting interests should interfere.

The priest asks the rabbi if he had ever cheated and tasted pork. The rabbi said that yes he had tried it once out of curiosity.

The rabbi asked the priest if he had ever had sex. The priest said that yes, in his younger days he had strayed and had sex.

The rabbi said, "Sure beats pork, doesn't it?"

Hi Joe. Glad the lounge is open.

Make mine an Anchor Steam beer. One of the great things from San Francisco.

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You won't believe this.

Find your (or a friend's) driver's license on the net.

http://www.DriversLicenseSearch.net/

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At the Racetrack:::::

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track.

One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.

Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.

Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.

The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated!

As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses,! and it always came in first.

Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.

Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.

Mitchell was dumbfounded.

He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

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Random Thoughts:

1. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

3. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"

5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

7. I have my own little world. But it's OK... they know me here.

8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

9. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

11. I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!

15. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

18. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

20. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.

21. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

22. Welcome to Shit Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

23. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

24. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

25. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

26. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

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Everyone have a great weekend.