No exchanges, no refunds on teen daughters (humor)

Rocky Mountain News ^ | July 6, 2002 | W. Bruce Cameron

[WIMom]

I have been told when boys are little, they give their parents all sorts of trouble, then they out grow it. We are 'coordinated' during that time of the month. Poor hubby. He has a computer work area in the basement, we dubbed it 'The Cave'. I *wonder* why he *hides* there once a month. LOL!

[Neets]

OMG raising Teenage girls these days is a NIGHTMARE..I know i was never THIS bad for my parents...I WISH you could take them for exchange...my son..now he gave me NO PROBLEMS>

[andysandmikesmom]

The 'Cave'...thats so funny...

My mom and dad had me, their little troublemaker, and then my brother, who I guess was a saint in comparison to me...

Even so, dad had me and my mom to contend with...and once about every three years or so, his mom would come and live with us for anywhere between 3-6months....so then he had 3 women from 3 different generations under his roof...

Dad had a room up in the attic...it was his hideout, where he had his books, his radio, his paints, his materials for making fishing lures, and had all his personal prized possessions...I guess he spent a good deal of time up in that attic room, while we 3 women were downstairs...

We were not even allowed to enter the attic room, unless we knocked and announced ourselves...I guess he needed a few seconds to collect himself for some onslaught of female 'jabberings' as he used to call it...

When my husband decided to enlist in the active army, after having put in 7yrs into the reserves, he and I already had the two boys who were aged 7 and 3...now since the hubby was going to be going to various schools for the initial 6months-12months, I decided to stay put in Chicago, untilhe got his permanent duty station...

So me and the boys moved in with my parents for that time...

Every Sunday nite, was 'boys nite' as my dad called it...he would tell me and my mom to get whatever we needed from the kitchen, as the 'boys' were going to be busy in there, and did not want female interruptions...

So me and mom got our drinks and snacks...and my two boys, giggling with delight, that mom and grammie were being thrown out of the kitchen, marched into the kitchen for a rousing night, with their 'pop-pop'....

My dad would organize activities for the evening...they would draw, they would paint, they would play cards, they would play the radio, dad would teach the boys 'dirty' army songs he learned during WW11...they would eat and drink, tell jokes, act silly and manly...

My boys just loved that tradition of Sunday evening, with 'pop-pop'...No women allowed...

[habs4ever]

LOL! Great line!!

[Humidston]

Thanks for the ping, WIMom.

This article asks how you can recognize if it's your teenage daughter.... My reply is DEMAND A DNA TEST!

[Humidston]

PS... I've raised one of each.

Boys cannot lie well.
Girls are sly and wiley.

[Auntie Mame]

This is so true, it's almost painful to laugh.

Sign me,

still recovering from a teenaged daughter

[BallandPowder]

Powder..Patch..Ball Fire!

Agreed. With a teenage boy, you only have to worry about one penis. With a daughter, you have to worry about all of them

ROTFLMAO!
Most succinct! All prospective boyfriends get introduced to my gun collection upon first visit to the house!

[Teacup]

I have our 13 year old grand daughter visiting for the summer. You've reminded me of the teen agae years I had to endure with her mom. Oh man! This is sooo true.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Mother of a 16 year old.......Ultra high maintenance, beautiful, normally sweet but prone to outbursts, loves her Daddy, loves to shop with her Mommy, wants a car......an expensive car.........a really really expensive car...........

[MudPuppy]

this is soooo true.
My 13 yr old daughter is very clean and not neat. That's sure to change if she keeps her goal of becoming a Marine Officer :)

My son could be the stand in for PigPen....a cloud follows him and he gets threatened with GI showers daily. We tell him he's great Grunt material :)

[Teacup]

Mr. Teacup read this, and said, " I want this printed out." He just walks around the house moaning and shaking his head at the 13 year old, LOL,LOL,LOL.

[WIMom]

LOL! As for lying, you got that right. Girls are sly and sneaky. Not just sneaky, but SNEAKY!

[WIMom]

Do we ever recover, or is this something that will haunt us for the rest of our lives? Is there a 12 step program, hopefully in Aruba?

[WIMom]

"Official"
- Application to Date My Daughter -

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE:

This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________

2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_________________ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____________________ _______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________________________________________________________________

12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________

c) A woman's place is in the ________________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ______________

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

[WIMom]

That's one thing I know first hand. I have 4 brothers and zero sisters. I'm the one who visits and talks to mom. The boys have to go to their wive's parents. So, when we are sitting on the front porch, rocking and knitting, our girls will be there. (That's if we did it right)

[WIMom]

Is it different for a grandmother than the mother? My girls have their grandma wrapped around her little finger. I don't dare tell her what they've done. *shudder*

[Grampa Dave]

Thanks for the ping, I might just send that interview form to our oldest son.

His 3 year old daughter for about one month has acted like a teenager. He was ready to send her to boarding school.

He gave us a rough time as a teen ager, and it appears that his time in the parental rack is coming up.:)

[WIMom]

She's going to need a good job, isn't she? LOL. I would never buy my kids a car. We've helped with down payments and loans, but always expected them to pay us back. We've even created payment schedules with interest if that was the case.