A for instance.... I home school the girls during the day, and work at night. This way, we have two incomes but I am home during the day and he is home at night. We do not have childcare costs by doing this. Bryant has no trouble helping me with housework or with the children but he loves to stay up late and sleep in.
Our new baby is 7 weeks old and does not sleep during the day. As you can imagine this presents some scheduling problems. Frequent interruptions in our education program was driving me crazy and I finally (out of frustration) yelled at him that he had to get up with the kids so I could home school.
He was stunned. He very calmly asked me why I had waited until I was angry instead of telling him I needed help. "Do you think I would not help you if you just asked?" and the answer of course is a resounding NO. He never has. If I ask him to do something he does.
I think most of our problems with married life would melt away if women stopped expecting men to prioritize in the manner we do. They do not. They are not as stressed about keeping a home clean, having well rounded nutritionally balanced meals, or matching outfits. Doing the dishes for a guy means you move them from the sink to the dishwasher. I count myself lucky if he remembers to rinse them first.
For some reason we seem to think we can 'do it all' 'have it all' and not become resentful and frustrated when we find out we are a far cry from the modern image of 'supermom'. Most of our problems stem from disappointed expectations. I have come to realize men do not perceive we need help, mainly because we make our work load look so damn easy, and we do not ask for it. Instead we are content to let frustration and exhaustion build until we have reached a breakpoint.
Unfortunately I watch all my friends do this same thing. It is like a universal thing I guess. Women take pride in being able to better multi-task than men and feel it somehow diminishes their role if they simply say ..."Hey I need help."
Most of my girlfriends have said to me "He should know I need help with the kids! I should not have to tell him all the time!" Believe me. They don't. They don't think the way we do, and they don't perceive or prioritize the way we do. Expecting that is like expecting ourselves to play all parts without falling short somewhere and then blaming our humanity on our men.