Here are a couple of items to make all smile.
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The Shoe
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party.
Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife.
Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat.
Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"
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The successful lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD," screamed the lawyer, "My Rolex!!!!"
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As you may know ... some password protected sites require a password that is at least 6 characters long. With that bit of trivia out of the way .... - - - - - - - here's one for the ladies...
The Password
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer.
She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis".
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She almost died laughing at the computer's response:
"Password rejected. Not long enough."
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Eternal Truths
1) Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2) I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3) If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
4) Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6) I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
7) Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8) We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our sails.
9) Some days are a total waste of makeup.
10) Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by you again?
11) If the shoe fits...... buy it in every color.
12) If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
13) Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
14) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
16) If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
17) My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
18) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
19) It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
20) For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
21) If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
22) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
23) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
24) Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
25) A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
26) Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
27) Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
28) Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
29) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
30) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
31) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
32) Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
32) Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself