Posted on 06/04/2002 4:58:35 AM PDT by Chairman_December_19th_Society
Yesterday, before we left for summercamp, I explained to the boys that I would be there with them for the funeral Mass, but that I would pick them up after the viewing. I explained to them that there would be a "casket" in the church, and the easiest way I could explain to them what is was was that it was a bed that Ryan's body would sleep in forever, but that his soul was in Heaven with Jesus. Michael asked, "Will we be able to see him in it?" I said, "No, the casket will be closed before you get there. So Mark said, "Mommy. If I can't see him, then how can I say goodbye to him?" I said, "You can say goodbye at the Mass." He said, "But I won't be able to see him, Mommy. He won't know." So, I went into an explanation of "what" they would see in the casket, just Ryan's face and hands and that I didn't want them to be frightened, because he wouldn't look the same as he did before. But Mark was insistent that he HAD to see him or else it wouldn't matter what he said after the Mass. So I thought, "Well, I'll just take them and see what happens." So I said, "Okay, then we'll go. But if you feel uncomfortable at all, you just let Mommy know and we will leave." I was very worried what kind of impact it would have on them, and I certainly didn't want them to have any nightmares. How wrong I was.
We arrived at the church around 1:30 or so, and Ryan's Mom and Dad were standing at the side of the church. Mark ran up to Ryan's mom and said, "I love you, Ryan's mom. I am sorry that Ryan is dead. I tried my hardest to bring him back, but I don't have magic powers and it didn't work. But I know that Jesus loves him and he is also with my big brother Scott. I know you are sad. I am too. Ryan was my buddy." Ryan's mom bent down and took Mark's hand and said, "You know...Ryan talked a lot about a "Marky"....and you must be him. Do you know that Ryan loved you too?" Then she gave both the boys a big hug and I gave her a hug. Then we went inside the church.
Ryan was a batboy for the Lakeland Tigers, which I guess is Triple A team for the Detroit Tigers. They were all sitting on the right hand side of the church, in the front. Michael, Mark and I walked up to the casket and kneeled down in front of it. I really didn't know what to say...I was at a loss for words. I looked around to see if Fr. was anywhere in sight, and I as I turned to the right, I saw all these baseball players in tears..just looking at my kids. Then, out of nowhere came Fr. John. I looked at him as if to say, "Please..help me out here...." and so he came over and kneeled down with us and wrapped us all in his arms, and I was holding on to his coat jacket with a death grip...and he said, "Boys and Mommy, let's say a special prayer to Jesus for Ryan." So he said this prayer and I started to cry but I stopped myself so I wouldn't scare the boys. Then Mark turned to Fr. John and said,
"Fr. John? Can I touch him?" And Fr. said, "Of course you can, Mark." So Mark stood up and put his head on Ryan's chest.
Then he said, "Ryan. I loved you so much. I wish you weren't in Heaven. But I know that God must have wanted you very much badly, because else you would still be here. I just want to let you know that I will miss you, and that I love you and that my Mommy loves you and so does Michael. Everyone here loves you. I hope you are happy in Heaven with Jesus and if you see my big brother Scott, can you say hi? So, now it's time for me to say goodbye. Goodbye, Ryan. I will miss you with all of my heart. And I love you. Love, Mark."
Fr. was crying and so was I. You have to understand that it was very quiet in the church at this point and the people in the front rows (his family and the baseball players) could all hear what Mark said. I turned around to give Michael and Mark a hug, and these grown men were just sobbing. Mark walked over to them and said, "Don't be worried if you cry. It's okay to cry. It means our hearts are working. And I love you guys too because I know you loved Ryan." And then we walked away.
The Mass lasted almost 1-1/2 hours, and there were alot of tears and emotional goodbyes by friends, loved ones and others. During the recessional, when they walked the casket up the aisle, Fr. John stopped by our pew and bent down and gave Mark a kiss and a hug. Then, all the baseball players on the team that were on our side of the aisle gave him High 5's. When we walked outside, they were standing there. One of them came up and picked Mark up and took Michael by the hand and said,
"Do you know that you two are two of the bravest people that I have ever seen? When you are old enough, you can be our batboys. That's what Ryan would have wanted."
I cannot express to you how proud I was of them....how much love and strength they showed...and no fear at all....just a unshakeable faith that when you go to Heaven to be with Jesus, everything will be okay. They have no doubts in their mind that this is the way God is...even though people cried and were sad, they knew that God knew that was okay. Mark kept looking for all of his other "Big Buddies" and he found every single one of them, and he hugged them all and told them that everything was going to be okay.
And on a lighter note, he said to Holly, "You've got my phone number, right? I'll take you to the movies this summer."
Sorry for taking up so much bandwidth...but I just had to share this with you. Children are truly miracles of God. I think they were stronger than I was...and maybe, just maybe, they taught us all an important lesson. They know a lot more than they are given credit for. Love you all...Deej
Daughter is not very fond of Amsterdam. I will file a report on the entire trip after I talk to her.
Also, she liked Belgium and England. I have no news on France, as she is there now and won't send me any more e-mails since she comes home tomorrow. My guess is that she liked the museums and food but wasn't too impressed with the dirt.
Chief, we must use the Cone of Silence.
/john
Excuse me a sec, my shoe is ringing.
Me too. That's what happens - I go to a meeting, and the fun starts.
And it's not just me that's doing it, john....God surely has His hands in there. I know that for sure. :-)
Soundproof, but not airtight, I believe. There is no way to control the spontaneous expulsion of superheated atmospheric conditions which have been polluted with vacuous verbiage.
Did things go smoothly for you with the reception and its organization?
Oh boy. In that case, try and get them to steer a little cold front this way, would you? It's awfully hot and muggy today. 8^)
Have a prayer request for my dad. It seems as though the graph he has in his 79 yr old arm to receive dialysis was being misused by the nurses at his hospital. They were connecting him up to dialysis by entering into the side, instead of the top, which has resulted in a major infection and blood pooling to his arm. He has been on morphine for two days now while they do a temporary site so he can continue his dialysis. The arm he was using is so damaged, he can no longer use it and will have to go through the process where they put a graph in his right arm, which has smaller veins. All in all they now think damage was done to his heart through all of this. So today he is going through some tests to see how damaged it is. Please pray for healing and strength for him and my poor mom. She is 80 and just at the end of the rope. :(
Thanks in advance.
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