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A man with a black eye boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down. He immediately notices that the man next to him also has a black eye and says, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours? "The other guy replies, "Well, it was a tongue twister accident". I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most beautiful large breasts was there. So,instead of saying, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh, I accidentally said, I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh and she smacked the hell out of me" The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue Twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife "Please pour me a cup of coffee honey."But I accidentally said, "You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed bitch."

The second incident sounds familiar.

Bwahaha...

Gearin' myself up for the 8-miler this weekend... I think I'll be all free-spirited and sh!t and run in the buff... Whaddya think...

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled to the boyfriend, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband's home early!"

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!"

She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!"

So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh, yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

He replied "Only if it's raining."