How I Came To Be A Troll.
He could also teach:
Understanding Orc and Uruk-hai: The Language of Flaming
101 Ways to Cook Hobbit, Dwarf and Elf
101 Ways to Cook Man Flesh
Sentimenal Journey: Necking with Nazgul
He'd probably demand some sort of honorarium and I don't think we would be prepared to pay those out.
I was hoping we'd get chari.....uh, I mean, I was hoping we'd get speakers for free.