Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Thorn, you are my male twin.... mack, is this not exactly what I already told you?

[Howlin]

Don't I know it......lots of guys agreeing though ! :-)

[KirkandBurke]

So, you hire someone to do that when "the wealthy, mute, almost-dead" guy kicks the bucket and you get all his money (and stocks and houses and cars and......). Then you move on the the next one and go for his stuff!! It's kind of like an acqusition merger. A hostile takeover disguised as a friendly takeover. Okay, okay, I'll stop being cynical. I know that not all women are after your money and posessions. There are women that really love their husbands just as they are, don't try to change them and go out of their way to please their husbands and satisfy their needs. Unfortunately, those three girls are taken.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Maybe someone should start a Freerepublic.com chapter of The Aphrodisiac Society.

[Donzerly lights]

Hey, kiddo! I play for your team! Re: the Ben and Jerry's, try this for avoidance assistance: every time I reach for it, I think of their touchy, feely, socialist business practices and refuse to support them.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

I think with the case of Prince Charles and Diana, the age difference alone is not the cause. Those kinds of relationships can work. There can be a problem though (and I can speak from personal experience) when a guy is married to a very physically attractive woman whom everyone adores and lots of other men want to prong, salivating like Sultan's lackeys loose in the harem tent, the fawning near-hysteria of the phenomenon at times overshadows the husband. One has to wonder whether this is part of what undid the Windsors' fantasy Camelot. Some of the rumors have been that the whole family was basically jealous of the Diana cult.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

be his porn flick

Does that mean I have to get a tattoo and have no plot?

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Unfortunately, those three girls are taken

Well, I can't speak for the other two, but I am....

[koba]

Perhaps the older men who spend money on younger women think the money is well-spent, considering the results they get.

[Donzerly lights]

Yeah well, that whole concept of moderation just never worked for me but....if you must. Just promise you'll NEVER pay $$$ to see Barbra Streisand perform!

[KirkandBurke]

Somehow, I just knew that you'd claim membership in that exclusive little club. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as I have no reason to doubt you.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Claim? I am the founding member!

[KirkandBurke]

Okay, okay, I believe you! But I'm not the guy you have to convince.

[thulldud]

LOL! Listen, I appreciate all the concern, but please! The man was answering a question, not testifying at a trial, ok?

Yup. The "trial" comes later. Poor goob. He'll learn! <g>

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

The only "guy" I have to convince already knows.....

[Gabz]

I know that not all women are after your money and posessions.

My husband says any woman that would want him for his money has no goals in life!!!!

[KirkandBurke]

You've trained him well.