Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[UberVernunft]

Now, I have been married many years, and I have had sex with women other than my wife since we married, but I have never cheated on my wife. Unlike men who have been manipulated by feminazis and liberals into thinking any sex with women other than their wife is wrong, I realize that "cheating" is much more than having sex with another women.

Hehe...

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

There are a wide variety of reasons. While I don't intend to defend adultery or infidelity (I oppose them on Christian grounds), here are a few possibilities which stand out from the great anthropological safari of modern marriage. Having sex with the same person regularly can become routine and less stimulating. Some women also have limited orgastic capacity or potency and this declines more with age. Wives and husbands after a few years become aware of each other's faults and imperfections, this can decrease the sexiness of their relationship. There are women who use sex as a weapon linking all sorts of contingencies on how often they will make love to their husbands. This can become very annoying to the husband.

Sometimes the husband is more sexually adventurous or becomes so later in marriage. The wife is less interested or does not learn how to make love more enthusiastically. People have sexual cycles. As one spouse's energies begin declining, the other may look elsewhere. Marital problems are also linked with aging. The hormonal changes women begin experiencing as they approach menopause are obvious examples.

The genuine "love" and "affection" can also decline or disappear from a marriage. We are fallen beings and our love lives are not unaffected by this. Generally speaking, sex in a genuine loving relationship is better than without that caring.

There is also the "ball buster" syndrome of wives who henpeck their husbands. That FOX series "Married with Children" exhibits a classic, if campy and farcical, variation of this. Never do this. I have seen women who trash their husbands verbally or argue with them senselessly about every nutty topic. "Denial of affection" takes many forms and it is one of the logical legal grounds people find for divorcing. Tragic, but true. If they don't have a firm commitment to family values and raising children in a loving environment, all of these imperfections and inadequacies can take over and destroy the marriage. Particularly if either spouse is not grounded in a sound moral system and or is not faithfully dedicated to their spouse in a spirit of charity and mutual respect. If love, respect, and morality begin disappearing from either spouse's soul, you are going to have BIG problems.

Whether a husband "cheats" will also depend on his own moral character and what kinds of sexual attitudes he learned from his father, peers, and from the secular culture. It can also depend on what kinds of femininity and styles of womanhood, motherhood, etc., he has been exposed to. There are countries in Europe, for instance, where greater elegance in femininity is more regularly apparent than in America with our growing "Hillary Syndrome" and butch careerism among females. American television, popular culture, and the feminist movement have done a wicked job of stripping womanhood of many of its charms and mysteries. Women, like men, are subjected to systematic moronization by the unending waves of secular humanist propaganda and disinformation.

And, of course, younger women can seem more appealing as one's wife ages depending on her health. Both spouses have to accept mortality and the aging process, realizing that sex is after all finite.

There are also some rather familiar reasons which lead to adultery which ought to be directly obvious.

[AmishDude]

So, that means one is cheating and the other is what? Homewrecking?

Yeah, pretty much.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Is that's the kind of woman you want, that's the kind of woman you need to look for. It always seems that men are attracted to the women in the pretty packages, the ones who will sleep with them on the first dates, and then wonder why she cheats. Well, we already know she's easy.

If more people would focus on the long term, they would marry the people that are of quality and who also want to be there for the long haul, not just for one night.

[fred flinch]

#9 IS THE REAL REASON MEN NEVER GROWN UP!

[StolarStorm]

You know you've sort of proved my comments about monogamy. It's usually guys like you, older and very sexually experienced, who make the claim that they have now see the light and realize that monogamy is an ideal. You can say that experience has taught you the truth...finally. But I would say that experience has gotton it out of your system. I think men need a period of out and out debauchery to truly understand and accept monogamy.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

But I have dated a few women that would make most any man want to find someone else.

Yeah, well, I dated each and every one of their brothers...!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

What do women want of men?

Wealthy and mute! (lol)

[krb]

I would be fascinated to know if this person was serious or just messing around (so to speak) with us... :-)

[StolarStorm]

Yep... that's me... and I like live theater, travel, museums, art, real Italian food, I hate sports and frankly and honestly I'm probably one of the best looking individuals you'll ever see... and so on.. and I'm not gay. Trust me. Women don't really want those things. I know that this horse has been beaten to death... but what women want... really want... is far different than what they THINK they want.

Women don't want men that they perceive may be better than they are. Women want men with obvious flaws... and that have serious a**hole tendencies. And I don't know why.

Yes Yes, go ahead women of this forum... tell me how wrong I am! :) Keep in mind I'm talking about a particular generation of young women. You see, like men, women only learn from experience. Under 30, women do want the a**hole. ... now that I've finally broken the 30 barrier I have women coming out of the woodwork (not pursuing it though for stated reasons). I haven't changed much, I think the age of the women I'm around has. Once your 30, being a "nice" guy has value... under 30 you aren't worthy to shine their shoes. I'm sure you all can understand that being dissed in youth because of the same traits that they now find attractive... is disconcerting and frankly disgusting. So to the women out there... yes men can be shallow... but women are just as shallow...just not as shallow based on appearance.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Of the 20+ or so divorces I am familiar with in detail in the affluent suburban community we grew up in, I would say aging had something to do with most of them. The men left the wives around the time they hit 40 or so usually for younger women. This does not explain every divorce or every situation of adultery but it does fit a basic pattern of differences in male and female biology. You are right that the intellectual personality and cultural level of awareness of women are part of their attraction and more stimulating in many cases than a bimbo's somatic assets if she has nothing interesting to talk about. And affection is after all more than genital gymnastics.

[Argh]

Well, I didn't want to be PERFECTLY honest! I once saw a great bumper sticker on a beat-up little car in Montreal being driven by a young woman. It said, "Rich?? - I'm single!!"

[Argh]

I noticed a change in attitude when I got over 30 too, maybe more women nearing their sexual peaks were giving me more opportunities. My list was meant to be partly funny and was based on what women SAY they want, and as you seem to know, what they say is often a load of hooey. I suspect they're not happy unless they've got something to bitch about to their girlfriends!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

LOL..

[CounterCounterCulture]

Where's the fun in that? ;)