Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[LJLucido]

No one lining up for a hunky guy like you? I am shocked.

Oh, great. Now you got my wife rolling on the floor laughing!

[AmishDude]

I agree with another poster. I'd suggest you look really hard at the relationship you're in now. He almost sounds like he's telling you that he will cheat and you'll just have to accept it. No matter what that testosterone-poison does to him, he has an obligation to keep his promises. While you can't stop sidelong glances at pretty girls, there is a line that you cannot allow to be crossed.

[abraxas_sandiego]

LSD...little something different.

[WIladyconservative]

I can prove that I have no intention of ever cheating on my wife. I'm teaching her how to use a firearm.

Awesome! My hubby's teaching me, too! Guess our marriage is good!

[FITZ]

If humans are monogamous why do almost all humans "mate" with several partners over their lifetime?

They do now that lifespans are longer, families are smaller and women are in the workplace. In other cultures and generations, marriages were arranged by the family ---those were not easily ended to start up a new marriage with someone else. When the life expectancy was mid-forties and living conditions harder, people didn't have much time for that, men were too busy supporting their larger families and women were too busy with babies and small children much of their entire lives.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

LOL.. Hi issy! No, I didn't but he somehow got loose..... darn that Marine Corps and their fitness training...!

[StolarStorm]

Apologies. However, it does seem that men are far more likely to cheat or to want to cheat. Maybe I've just bought into a stereotype of my own gender. Perhaps women have more strength.....

[Dawgsquat]

You can count on it! LOL!!!

[Go Gordon]

However, a little sex with a woman a man is not going to give a second thought about should hardly count as "cheating."

Are your initials WJC?

[FITZ]

I just asked my boyfriend this question, and he said that unless the man thinks that the wife is the best thing in bed that he will ever hope to find, he's going to look for it elsewhere.

Sounds like a threat to me ---if you aren't always just what he wants in bed, he's promising he'll cheat ---and that means when you are pregnant and unable to perform or busy with a baby. He's got his excuses ready ---drop him.

[usconservative]

I have been "lurking" in FreeRepublic.com, including this thread, before I became a member.

Welcome back, Cardinal Ratzinger.......

[FITZ]

I don't believe men are more likely to cheat than women --maybe it's about equal but sometimes it seems that women are more likely to cheat ---for one they often have opportunities men don't have. I know when my cousin found out his wife was cheating he was completely devastated, he feared losing his kids and not being able to see them daily. He said he never came close to cheating so there was also that sense of betrayal.

[thulldud]

he said that unless the man thinks that the wife is the best thing in bed that he will ever hope to find, he's going to look for it elsewhere.

You already got one reply (from Double Tap) that says pretty much what I would say. I only thought I should mention, that this statement reminded me of a truism I heard somewhere: A man who says 'everybody has his price' really is announcing that he is for sale.

Proceed with caution. The only way to make marriage work is to step through the door into it, close it firmly behind you, break the doorknob off, run screws into the doorjamb, plaster it over, paint it, and hang a picture on it. There 'is' no door. As long as one of the partners has the exit propped open behind him, no security, no marriage is possible.

Marriage is the creation of "one flesh" from one man and one woman. It is not a continuous sexual bazaar where you're just another item in the market alongside everyone that passes by that day.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Did you say 'I do' to a vow during your marriage ceremony that included the phrase "forsaking all others"?
If so, what do you think that means?

[kezekiel]

Good to see you around, harp. You're a man of honor.

[WIladyconservative]

Glad you agree. I'll be married 20 years this year, and I've know hubby since we were FIVE years old . . . It took him this long to teach me how to use a firearm . . . .we'll make it!

[Gabz]

Man marries girl he loves. Girl says she loves him. Man is seen by girl talking with other girl. Mans wife upset and accuses man of philandering. Man tries to ignore it. Wife insists man is philandering and makes mans life miserable. Man has two choices, either philander or divorce because man can't live with angry girl. End of story.

Reverse the sexes and you have the story of my first marriage in a nutshell. It's not just the male of the species that marry "girls" - many a woman makes the mistake of marrying a boy. I did and what was worse - he was 21 years older than me - so really should have been a "man."

[Double Tap]

Bravo, well said.