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Norm Macdonald (RIP):

“But I don’t drink, so I’m no good at parties for that reason. And drugs, I don’t do them. Used to. When I was a boy, young, I would do anything, you know? LSD, that was about the strongest drug I ever did – acid. I don’t know if you’ve ever done acid, but… When I was young, they would tell me, “You have got to be careful with that acid, on account of you can do it,” and then you have a flashback. Like, ten years could pass, 20 years could pass, “and then you get a flashback.”

So I thought, “Well, that sounds like a good deal,” you know? I went to my drug dealer Frank. I said, “Frank…” is there a drug on the market where I pay you $5… I take the drug, I get high, “and then, 20 years later, I get high again?” He said yes. And I think of myself as somebody who’s good at stretching his drug dollar.

But the point of the whole thing is for me to tell you young folk… that it’s not… it’s not true at all, you know? Because I have not done LSD since I was a teenager. Ten years have passed, 20 years have passed. Sadly, 30 years have passed. And still… no flash… What a gyp that turned out to be. I… Just more horseshit by the big acid companies if you ask me. I don’t want to… I don’t want to get too political, but… If you think Big Acid™… cares about you, the little guy… They care about their third-quarter profits. That’s what they care about.”