Posted on 05/14/2025 10:05:39 PM PDT by Morgana
In his recently-published memoir, “Karen: A Brother Remembers,” actor Kelsey Grammer revealed that two of his preborn children were aborted — experiences that appear to have greatly affected him. While society parrots the idea that abortion is solely a woman’s issue, Grammer’s story of abortion regret underscores the reality that men are also impacted by the killing of their preborn children.
“The abortion of my son eats at my soul”
According to People, Grammer wrote that in 1974, a former girlfriend aborted their child. Though Grammer said he was “willing” to keep the baby, he “did not plead with her to save his life,” and instead “volunteered to have my son’s body vacuumed out of his mother’s.”
“I regret it. That’s all I meant to say,” he said, adding, “I know that many people do not have a problem with abortion, and though I have supported it in the past, the abortion of my son eats away at my soul.”
Grammer also railed against the abortionists responsible for killing preborn children, saying, “The doctor, or so-called doctors, who have executed generations of children in this manner — I have no idea how they call themselves doctors. Something about the ‘first, do no harm’ thing. But I offer no controversy.”
The topic also came up during a recent interview with Parade magazine, in which he spoke of his aborted son, saying, “It’s a lingering regret. Yeah, it lingers. I don’t know what else to say about it except I wonder what he might have done in life and how much potential existed.”
Years later, Grammer experienced abortion a second time when doctors convinced him and his wife Kayte that aborting their son was necessary so that the baby’s twin, Faith, might live. In explaining what happened, it’s clear that Grammer understands that abortion is the killing of a preborn child.
“We killed our son so Faith might live. We wept as we watched his heart stop,” Grammer wrote. “It is the greatest pain I have ever known. Kayte’s scream was enough to make a man mourn a lifetime.” Faith is now 12 years old, and Grammer has seven born children in all.
Though these experiences appear to have had a profound impact on his life, his views about abortion seem unclear.
“I supported the idea that a woman has the right to do what she wants with her own body. I still do,” he wrote. “But it’s hard for me. Still is.”
Grammer and his wife Kayte actually attended the March for Life in 2016, and the National Right to Life Convention the year prior. His wife Kayte posted to Instagram after the March, “There are better ways to avoid pregnancy than abortion. We advocate those. We can respect a woman’s right to choose and respect a child’s right to life at the same time. They do not need to stand in opposition. We need never kill another innocent life. Respect life.”
Grammer has even been criticized for proudly wearing a pro-life t-shirt — making it difficult to decipher his remarks (and hers).
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – MARCH 04: Kayte Walsh (L) and actor Kelsey Grammer attend the 2018 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 4, 2018 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)
Men regret abortion too
Regardless of whether or not he supports abortion, it’s clear that Grammer — like countless other men — has experienced post-abortion grief and trauma. In sharing his story, he is helping other men impacted by abortion, affirming that they are not alone in the pain they feel.
A study from Support After Abortion found that “one in seven men may be coping from negative impacts from abortion.” The study report explains, “Men in the study reported depression, sadness, guilt, regret, anxiety, anger, thoughts of what could have been, emptiness, substance abuse, a sense of lost fatherhood, and other emotions.”
Live Action News has shared some of those men’s stories, including in its Can’t Stay Silent campaign.
“I didn’t deal with any of the physical drama, yet it breaks my heart we took away a life; our own flesh and blood,” a man named Steven said. “I feel like this has become a permanent stain on our relationship and our lives.”
Spencer admitted, “I have lived with that regret for nearly 40 years. A day does not pass [that] I don’t think about my child! That one selfish act cost me more than I can fully express.”
David Bangs told Live Action News, “Being complicit in the abortion of my child was by far the worst decision I ever made. Abortion is a destroyer of relationships, of souls and of the most vulnerable.”
In 2019, the BBC published an article interviewing men whose children had died by abortion. “I didn’t know how I was going to survive,” explained one man. “I’ve thought about what happened every day for the last 32 years.”
Another said, “Men are meant to be protectors, so there is a sense of failure – failing to protect the mother and the unborn child, failing to be responsible. There is incredible guilt and shame about having not done that.”
Men’s voices matter
Despite these emotions, men are continually told that they shouldn’t have a say in abortion, and they aren’t allowed to feel anything. Slogans like “no uterus, no opinion” and “my body my choice” work to exclude men from the abortion conversation altogether — unless, that is, they choose to agree with that perspective.
In reality, a study from the pro-life non-profit organization Care Net titled, “The Care Net Study of Men whose Partner has had an Abortion” found that 42% of the male respondents said that they encouraged their partners to abort, 27% said they discouraged their partners from abortion, and 31% said they did not offer any advice at all about the abortion.
Women are listening to the men in their lives. If a father stands up for his preborn child, that child has a greater chance of survival.
Grammer himself acknowledges that some of his grief comes from the fact that he did nothing to stop his ex-girlfriend from aborting their son. He, like so many others, had bought the lie that abortion is purely a women’s issue, but the reality is that every preborn child has a mother and a father. When that child’s life ends, men may naturally experience significant grief, trauma, and regret.
Editor’s Note: If you are suffering with abortion trauma or regret (as a woman or man), visit this page for various healing resources.
I am thankful for never having done anything where an abortion was the result or a child living in dire circumstances in their youth.
I don’t know if he’s Catholic, but he should go to confession.
Why would he do that? He can confess straight to God without a middleman.
If he repents and has faith in Christ... he is forgiven...
Although forgiven, we still may find our sinful decisions as weights upon us... it is our human condition that does not let us find full freedom and peace in His grace... even though it is available...
The guilt I feel for many of the things I have done leads me to know I am a different person now than what I was than... for the Holy Spirit is within me...
I know I am His, I know I am forgiven... but I will likely never fully let go of the shame of the things that I have done...
Thankfully, I have a Savior who has seen fit to take on the judgement and persecution for such for me... for that I will be forever grateful...
TY Jesus...
Amen.
for some, though the Lord has forgiven them, they cannot forgive themselves
AMEN!
AMEN and AMEN!
Rhetorical question: Why?
K, pttt.
“Why would he do that? He can confess straight to God without a middleman.”
Right. A middleman with moral issues of his own no doubt.
Thirty four years ago after having three beautiful daughters my wife told me she was pregnant. She was beginning the process to have her tubes tied and a pregnancy test is done prior to the surgery. She was so surprised but told me that she was going to have an abortion. She felt that three children were enough. I was trying to be supportive and told her it was her choice even though I didn’t fully agree. Times were hard and it seemed like the a rational decision.
I kept my true feelings to myself for a week before I finally confessed that I didn’t agree with her decision. I told her that God had decided to finally give us a son.
At that time she admitted that she really didn’t want to abort the baby.
Nine months later my son was born and I had a vasectomy. I thank God for the gift of my children every day.
One of my friend’s life was damaged when his girlfriend got an abortion he did not want her to have.
Choice:
Abstinence
Prophylactic measures
IUD
Spermicides
Pills
Shots
Sterization
If you do not choose to use measures to prevent pregnancy and become pregnant; at that point it becomes a responsibility.
while he CAN and SHOULD confess to God and receive forgiveness... the counsel of the confessional, can help trigger healing, wholeness and deliverance... absolution from another member of the body of Christ and possibly a leader in the body of Christ. Helps. Support, insight, restoration... are part of what “confess your faults one to another that you may be healed...” releases in one’s life. My experience is when I confess to Jesus, he often points me to another strong believer who has insider knowledge from the Holy Spirit and related experiential knowledge of fallenness of human nature... that can be shared face to face.
I cannot trust just anyone that claims title of priest, confessor, Pastor or altar boy... just “because” their title or position. But God has people everywhere. It’s not a Roman Catholic “thing”. It’s a Christian thing. IMHO. one that the Roman Catholics have more correct than we sometimes give them credit for.
The same can be had by surrounding yourself with Christian friends who support you and keep you accountable. I have been blessed to have such friends for decades. They really helped me when my wife died from cancer almost 7 years ago.
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