A few years ago I had a female employee with a son who was a young teenager and she was a single mom and he had little to no man in his life, to her credit she was not bringing in the flavor of the month boyfriend, I respected her for that and wouldn’t introduce him to anyone she had a date with.
She asked me if that could be a problem having no male in his life and I said well, yes he needs to know how to act as a man, be a gentleman, be protective, but to rein in aggression and control it. She said I just don’t have any male figures around and I suggested if she could to get him to watch old movies with strong men in the roles, westerns came to mind. I don’t know how he turned out, she took another job a few months later.
I looked for and found many male father substitutes, many of whom I will always revere.
Some older boys and some my age were very kind and helpful. One in particular, a year and a half older than me, took me camping, to the gym, taught me to lift weights, play basketball. He was a great friend. As time went on, he looked to me for advice.
When I was 18, I went to a psychotherapist, to the horror of my mother--got a job after school to pay him. He was a splendid man, taught me priceless things--not the least of which was to be ruthless in the pursuit of truth and to say to myself: "It's my own damn fault, nobody else's."
When I was in my 30's, still having problems, I went to another clinical psychologist, an ex-Marine who had had countless rich life experiences. I consulted him off and on until he died a few years ago. We got along well, and he had many priceless things to teach me. By then, I was a physician, and he wanted me to go into practice with him. I didn't. But I'll always revere him.
When I was a resident at a major US medical center, I had several mentors. They taught me medicine and many other things. I taught them many things too. By then, I had accumulated considerable wisdom myself.
One thing I learned is that when we are faced with hard problems and solve them, we have much to teach other people.
Another thing is to trust myself and to trust God.
And yet another is the fundamental goodness and benevolence of people we encounter every day and that many people want to be of help and will if they can.
I am now 86 years old, wealthy, a father and grandfather, have been married to the same wonderful woman for 65 years, am happy and well adjusted, and have had a life so wonderful I wish everyone could have such a life.
I will always revere the men, boys, girls, and women who helped me along the way and gave me so much--and I look forward to being with them in the life to come.