Replies

I had a problem like that myself. My father died when I was a child. My mother had no idea how to raise a son, and she had serious problems.

I looked for and found many male father substitutes, many of whom I will always revere.

Some older boys and some my age were very kind and helpful. One in particular, a year and a half older than me, took me camping, to the gym, taught me to lift weights, play basketball. He was a great friend. As time went on, he looked to me for advice.

When I was 18, I went to a psychotherapist, to the horror of my mother--got a job after school to pay him. He was a splendid man, taught me priceless things--not the least of which was to be ruthless in the pursuit of truth and to say to myself: "It's my own damn fault, nobody else's."

When I was in my 30's, still having problems, I went to another clinical psychologist, an ex-Marine who had had countless rich life experiences. I consulted him off and on until he died a few years ago. We got along well, and he had many priceless things to teach me. By then, I was a physician, and he wanted me to go into practice with him. I didn't. But I'll always revere him.

When I was a resident at a major US medical center, I had several mentors. They taught me medicine and many other things. I taught them many things too. By then, I had accumulated considerable wisdom myself.

One thing I learned is that when we are faced with hard problems and solve them, we have much to teach other people.

Another thing is to trust myself and to trust God.

And yet another is the fundamental goodness and benevolence of people we encounter every day and that many people want to be of help and will if they can.

I am now 86 years old, wealthy, a father and grandfather, have been married to the same wonderful woman for 65 years, am happy and well adjusted, and have had a life so wonderful I wish everyone could have such a life.

I will always revere the men, boys, girls, and women who helped me along the way and gave me so much--and I look forward to being with them in the life to come.