Posted on 01/03/2025 11:25:05 AM PST by Navy Patriot
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a formal statement, the FBI has called on Internet sleuths, particularly X users, to please stop solving crimes before they have a chance to do so.
The statement comes just hours after X users discovered all suspects and motives related to the recent terror attacks in New Orleans and Las Vegas.
The statement reads in part:
"It is in the public interest that all X users stop solving crimes immediately. Solving crime is the responsibility of the federal government and local law enforcement. If we do not solve crimes first, we cannot control the narrative, and that's important for national security reasons we cannot discuss at this time."
"You're going to put us all out of a job," said FBI Director Christopher Wray, commenting on the public statement. "We're supposed to be the ones solving crimes. Please stop demonstrating how useless we are."
As an incentive, the FBI is promising not to raid anyone who complies. "All you have to do is not report on suspects, observe obvious connections to other crimes, or complain when we prosecute parents of school-aged children," a spokesman for the bureau explained. "You scratch our back, we leave your back alone. Get it?"
At publishing time, the FBI had prosecuted an X user for interfering with a cover-up.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
The FBI seems to be on some campaign to raise its profile and look good as Trump moves back in.
gaw....Almost got me.
It’s embarrassing to the FBI when they are proven wrong.Its even worse when they are proved to be part of a criminal conspiracy.
We need to disband the FBI as it exist now.
I’m surprised the fbi doesn’t arrest people for figuring out crimes.
They’d make up something.
The should be asking the Public to stop pointing out the the FBI is the real Criminals.
Yep, you almost thought this article was Satire.
They’d make up something.
The FBI has a division for that, it's called the Jussie Smollett Division after their most notable failure.
More truth in reporting from the BB.
LOL!!!
You nailed it.
FReepers here at FR noted the bomber was making a smiley face on a map with the locations of the blown mailboxes.
These FReepers gave him the name Smiley Face Bomber and notified the FIBs who later made the arrest.
*Smiley Face Bomber is searchable.
LOL! Good one.
The prequel threads are; pipebomb.
Thanks for that bit of History, Smith!
I'm sure the FIBs will properly punish those FReepers for their Good Deed, and probably all the rest of us as well.
Thanks, Mom, Happy New Year!
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