Really? We tell all our non-resident family members that they are welcome at holidays, but they're not expected to join us. It's perfectly fine if they make other plans. All we expect is a headcount: let us know if you're coming and how many people you're bringing.
Every few years we’re invited to Thanksgiving at the farm with my husband’s cousins. I’m looking forward to it. Half are dems and about half are republicans. There was one couple who were a bit obnoxious but they’re both dead.
I sort of see what he is saying. And it is true that if you make no effort to spend time with your extended family that pretty soon you will no longer be an active member of that family.
It will take a while but at some point they will stop asking you if you are going to show up and just assume that you will not. Parents are the last to let go but even they will given enough time.
Of course that also means that you have given up the people who are most likely to have your back when the chips are down, and the chips always go down at some point, but if that is what you want to do, your life your choice. But it is really sad when you have just done something great and you have no one to be happy with you.