Posted on 07/20/2024 6:09:50 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With many puzzling questions still remaining unanswered in the wake of the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump at a Pennsylvania campaign rally last week, the United States Secret Service announced that it was working tirelessly to investigate anyone who criticized its incompetence.
Washington lawmakers, media pundits, and the general public alike all raised red flags over inconsistencies and apparent failures of the Secret Service in the close call Trump experienced, leading the government agency to release an official statement that it was doing everything within its power to track down anyone who would dare to question the impeccable record of the Secret Service.
"We will not rest until we find everyone who is trying to make us look bad," said Secret Service spokesperson Valerie Porter. "What happened last weekend at President Trump's rally shook everyone up. In order to restore the public's faith in the Secret Service, we promise to discover the identities of anyone criticizing us and bring them to justice."
Trump narrowly survived with minor injuries, but every detail discovered about the shooting seemed to only raise more questions, leaving Secret Service officials determined to pursue their critics to the bitter end. "Every concerned American citizen can rest assured," Porter continued. "The people responsible for seeking to hold our agency accountable will be held accountable."
At publishing time, sources within the Secret Service reported that agents had been instructed to pursue the agency's critics wherever they went unless they were located on a moderately sloped roof.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
OUCH!!!
Real and accurate reporting.
The glaring failures in the Trump shooting, has the Secret Service assurances that it was doing everything in its power to track down the millions of citizens who dared to question the impeccable record of the Secret Service.
“We will not rest until we find everyone who tried to make us look bad. To restore the public’s faith, the Secret Service promises to uncover the identities of anyone criticizing us and bring them to swift, jail-time justice.”
So, when did the Bee start publishing facts as opposed to parody?
Obama/Holder also destroyed the Secret Service , not the Bee
“Secret Service Says It Is Working Tirelessly To Investigate Anyone Criticizing Their Incompetence”
That would be anyone with half a living brain cell left. Sorry you were left out Joe and KAmala.
“Great comedy is great comedy only if it has an element of truth in it.” — Rush Limbaugh
It’s OK if the facts are Subversive.
I remember him saying that, and it is absolutely true.
And here WE are. [gulp]
Translation: The wheels have come off the SS.
It would be funny, but then I look at the eagerness of the FBI digging through cell phone records over three years later to track down anyone near the Capitol on 1/6/2021 but being completely unable or unwilling to track down who planted bombs on the same day... unless they already found the perp on the FBI’s HR records.
The secret service as well the fbi, and cia have gone dei woke and are all not worth a bucket of cow piss.
I don’t have the SS’s email.
I don’t need it to get in contact with them.
If I want to send a message, I just post a comment on FR.
I’m certain Big Brother reads every comment made on this forum.
Yep, the Zeepers forward 'em all!
More childhood dreams dashed and destroyed on the rocks of Progressivism.
I call it treason!
Yes, this is not incompetence. This was malice.
Or maybe they could just review & adjust their policies & accomplish better results. Going after the folks who disagreed with what they did/how they handled it? What do they plan to do? Lock up half the country?
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