I’ve heard that adrenalin is what causes the memory to be burned into our brains.
I went through that trauma loop for weeks after my dad passed. He dropped dead of a massive heart attack and I did CPR on him until the rescue squad arrived. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep, it would replay.
I’m also to the point now that I have to consciously bring it up, but it was rough going for quite a while.
Interestingly, I recently had the opportunity to take a CPR course and actually signed up for it.
But as I thought about needing to do it on a dummy, I realized that it was going too trigger it all again and canceled out of the class. Maybe I should face that demon some day, but not yet.
My gosh. That has to be difficult to have that memory. I can imagine pretty clearly just how tough that would be to take a CPR course after that.
I often times thought of facing the devil in my mind when confronted by past incidents that are there.
IO have had many times in my life that I can honestly say I know they are the evidences GOD exists and Jesus loves me.
Maybe one of my first instances of having something seared in my head was from my father. I believe I shared how evil he was.
Well, I grew up in Duluth MN, and they have the famous Ariel Head Lift Bridge.
Well back in the early 60’s you could actually ride it up and watch the ships go under it. Well my father took me up with him once. Not sure how old I was, because it was quite some time before he went to prison, which means I was maybe 5 or 6 at the most.
He took me by my hands and held me over the railing as the ship passed through.
To this day I have a fear of heights. Through the years I have tried everything I could to get over it. Even jumped off bridges in the water, but each time it took me not wanting to be looking like a foolish scared chicken.
Once When stationed in Germany out unit went down the Rhine river in rafts. When we went through Spire Germany (sp?) we were told we all had to jump off the bridge into the Rhine. Its was about 40 feet or so.
I remember standing on the outside of the bridge holding the railing. Other guys kept climbing out and jumping while I held that railing tight. Then my Captain said, Private I want you to let go, count to three and jump or else.
So I let go, counted to three, and he pushed me off. Everyone was laughing their guts out. I was trembling the rest of the day.
No matter what I did I could never get over my fear of heights. I turned down Ranger training because I could not do the parachute training, nor walk across a 10X10 plank that was 15 feet in the air.
Today I work as a handyman, and sometimes I must climb a ladder to the peak of a roof to paint, and I move so slow and reach so gingerly as I don’t want to look down, and the fear is there, but I still too it, but never get over it.
To this day I have a righteous angry hatred for my father. Not just because of that, but many other reasons he did to me and my siblings. the things he did to my sister should have had him in prison for life, but all he got was 7 years.
He was an evil man.