Replies

I am back at my overseas home, yes. I am feeling fine. I can now explain a bit of what happened in October-November. This next is long. Ignore if you wish.

I know that many have strong opinions against “ghosting” someone. “Ghosting” is the practice of becoming silent online with another person, not responding to their texts, or even answering the phone when they know it is that person. I want to speak to the positive side of ghosting.

I tend to absorb a person’s drama and emotions and even escalate the stresses. That is what happened to me in late September. Someone sent me an email alerting me to what they saw as a need. Actually, several bits of drama. That created a very real pain in my stomach. I couldn’t sleep. I had tension headaches. I physically reflected what they described.

However, when I arrived in Alabama, I learned that one of the situations is not quite as bad as was painted. The other situation is as bad as all that; perhaps it is even worse. It also doesn’t involve me. There is absolutely nothing I can do to mitigate the second situation. I can only observe it unfold. But, I do not need to be drawn into it.

While at home, I watched and evaluated what was happening. One thing I did learn was that the person described to me as “needing my help and not able to function w/o me being there” was not at all in that condition. My correspondent did tell me her assessment, but it was from her viewpoint alone.

Finally, however, as it became time for me to leave, she wrote another email. I began experiencing the same physical responses. I also went to others and asked for their assessments and advice.

In the end, while the letter writer operated out of a sense of duty, love, and concern, I reject her conclusions. I also can’t change the situation at all. The person she was alerting me to has chosen their course of action. We may not agree, but it is their life. So, I have backed off.

I, however, do NOT AT ALL need to experience any more drama. I over-react. But, I also do not need to confront and explain. I may say something I would regret later. Words cannot be wholly recalled. So, I have ghosted that person. Hopefully, in the future, I will be more under control myself and will be able to re-establish the connection. For the nonce, I have cut off communication.

/word-spewing-over