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California Closes Gyms For 2 Weeks To Slow The Spread Of Fascism
Babylon Bee ^

Posted on 07/12/2023 10:50:11 AM PDT by Tench_Coxe

ANAHEIM, CA — In an effort to slow the rise of frightening, right-wing extremism, the state of California has announced a new mandate to close all gyms and fitness centers for two weeks.

"This is a short-term public safety measure," said California Governor Gavin Newsom. "These gyms will only be closed for two weeks to slow the spread of fascism. And as we've shown in our state's history, we have never mandated something and later extended it for a much longer period of time than we originally stated."

Cries for action grew over the weekend, as mainstream media outlets detailed the risks to democracy posed by fitness. "You only stay in shape if you're a Nazi," said Jenny Van Der Blunt, who is an outspoken progressive activist and who also weighs 400 pounds. "I don't trust anyone who takes good care of their physical health. Do you know who else kept themselves physically fit? HITLER!"

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: babylonbee
Would not be surprised at all.
1 posted on 07/12/2023 10:50:11 AM PDT by Tench_Coxe
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To: Tench_Coxe

Maybe cancel all math classes for a semester in order to stop the spread of white supremacy.


2 posted on 07/12/2023 10:55:51 AM PDT by Steely Tom ([Voter Fraud] == [Civil War])
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To: Tench_Coxe

Reality is a short distance from The Bee.


3 posted on 07/12/2023 10:56:18 AM PDT by Huskrrrr (Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
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To: Tench_Coxe
FBI Conducting Surveillance Of Far-Right Terrorist Training Ground


4 posted on 07/12/2023 10:57:11 AM PDT by newfreep ("There is no race problem...just a problem race")
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To: Tench_Coxe

Many Libtards are fat people


5 posted on 07/12/2023 10:57:28 AM PDT by NWFree (Sigma male 🤪)
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To: Tench_Coxe

Has the FBI infiltrated the PTA yet?


6 posted on 07/12/2023 10:59:08 AM PDT by central_va (I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn...)
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To: Steely Tom
Maybe cancel all math classes for a semester in order to stop the spread of white supremacy.

And stop getting up early. That is so racist.

7 posted on 07/12/2023 10:59:46 AM PDT by Allegra (Stop the Zeepers from Censoring FReepers)
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To: Tench_Coxe

An allusion no doubt to the San Francisco gay bath house closings in 1984 by then SF Mayor Dianne Feinstein to stop the spread of AIDS.


8 posted on 07/12/2023 11:01:44 AM PDT by SpaceBar
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To: Tench_Coxe

The Babylon Bee is going to be put out of business by reality itself.


9 posted on 07/12/2023 11:50:57 AM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.)
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To: Tench_Coxe

🤣


10 posted on 07/12/2023 12:01:49 PM PDT by 4Liberty (Dems loot & riot -called "protesting" by media. Repub's protest -called "looting & rioting" by media)
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To: SpaceBar; Tench_Coxe

It was an allusion to the 2020 pandemic lockdown.


11 posted on 07/12/2023 12:25:23 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: Tench_Coxe

Has Newsom been caught secretly exercising with friends at the French Nautilus?


12 posted on 07/12/2023 1:48:47 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Democrats' version of MAGA: Making America the Gulag Archipelago )
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To: Tench_Coxe

One thing about California it knows a lot about slow.


13 posted on 07/12/2023 2:44:07 PM PDT by Vaduz (....)
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