Posted on 10/03/2022 4:00:29 PM PDT by nickcarraway
The germ-fearing “King of All Media” has finally emerged from his “apocalypse bunker.”
Infamous germaphobe and COVID-fearing Howard Stern — who has been broadcasting from home since March 2020 — went out to dinner in public for the first time since the start of the pandemic.
Stern, 68, dined at Israeli restaurant Laser Wolf in Williamsburg on Saturday night with a host of stars, including Jennifer Aniston, close friend Jimmy Kimmel, Jon Hamm, Justin Theroux and Jason Bateman.
(Excerpt) Read more at pagesix.com ...
Stern is 70
His bio had been saying he was 69 years old until recently
I guess they are saying he is 69 now
He graduated high school in 1970
He graduated B.U. in 1974
“ Howard got everything he wanted...the younger wife, lots of money, and to hang out with the “cool kids” ...and he’s still a frightened, miserable douche.”
And on his deathbed he’ll pray to God.
I looked it up and it says 1954, and he is 68. Wikipedia says he graduated in 1976.
Hmmm. He has always looked like who would be infested with germs.
Howard is the King of All Media only in the sense that floppy disks are still the kings of computer media.
He changed when he took on the new wife. Probably the daughters pushed him leftward also.
Howard who?
It isn’t 1985 any more. We’ve moved on.
Too bad…he should stay in bunker til the end…
Back in the day, he claimed to have assumed that moniker as a riff on Michael Jackson calling himself the “king of pop”.
“Laser Wolf” sounds more like a weapon of Dr. Evil than a restaurant . . .
“Imagine being that much of a wuss.”
Bingo! Our neighbor in California pretty much holed himself up for two full years. I went on as if nothing had happened except for having to briefly wear a mask in the clinic, dentist’s office, and grocery store. My cumulative mask time was probably under two hours.
I absolutely LOVED hiking in March to May 2020 when all the parks were empty and were sealed off with security tape. I just parked outside and walked in. I had 1,400 acre Foothills Park in Palo Alto all to myself. Plus there were NO jets in the sky overhead — just dead silence. It was great. I had great fun ripping all the ridiculous security tape off park benches, too. The notion that sitting on a park bench was going to give you the cooties was almost as preposterous as one-way aisles in grocery stores.
Not to the poster, but who the eff cares about these people?
Gone Corporate
I used to listen, before he “Went Hollywood”, all he cares now about is interviewing celebrities and kissing up to them.
No way closet case Howard was missing a chance to glimpse the Hammaconda
Bill Clinton on Howard Stern
HOWARD: (Pfffft)…Two-twelve!…Get the mike by his butt, Baba Booey, you idiot…(braaaap)…Two-thirteen!…(fwwaaarp)….Two-fourteen!…Time! Two hundred and fourteen farts in two minutes. That’s great.
JACKIE: Twelve short of the record, though.
ROBIN: Not bad, but not good enough.
HOWARD: Yeah, nice try, Mike “King of All Flatulence,” but you’re still a loser. Gary, give him a “Dial-A-Mattress” or something for trying. Now get out of here! I have a real guest coming in. Robin, does this shirt look good? This is definitely going to be on the CBS Show, and I want to look handsome.
JACKIE: Ya gotta long way to go.
HOWARD: Shut the hell up, you fat bastard! Don’t try to sabotage me on this very important day. The former president of the United States is going to sit in with us for the news. Hey Robin, try to be your sexiest today - you know the President is single these days. Tell him about the three inputs.
ROBIN: Shut up, Howard, here he comes.
HOWARD: Fred, turn on the presidential music, you Martian! Mr. President, sit over here! Where are you going?
JACKIE: Oh! Not on my mike!! (Phwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp!!)
HOWARD: Mr. President!! Get on the microphone. That was great!! Robin, the president just farted on my show!
CLINTON: I’ve been holding that one in for ten minutes in the green room! Nearly busted my gut. How ya doin’ Howard? I’m thrilled to be here.
HOWARD: We’re thrilled to have you here. You’re the first ex-president we’ve ever had on our show. And probably the last. What are you doing slumming on this show?
CLINTON: Well, Howard, I’m not running for political office ever again. I’ve decided that I can finally just act like myself now. Your show seemed like the best place to start. I’ve spent my whole life living a lie so I could get elected. Now, it’s just me, Bubba.
ROBIN: Are you admitting that you were less than honest with the American people, just to get a few extra votes?
CLINTON: C'mon Robin, are you naïve? I would have sucked Janet Reno’s dick to get a few extra votes!
HOWARD: Mr. President! I was too slow with the beep. You can’t talk like that on the air, the FCC will crucify me! Hey, why didn’t you get the FCC off my back before you left office?
CLINTON: I meant to Howard. I had all these last minute things that I was going to do in my final months. But with all those indictments breaking up my inner circle, I had to resign a little early. That way I could get Al to pardon me before they throw him out, too. Sorry, but I don’t think George Junior’s gonna do anything with the FCC for you.
HOWARD: I’m screwed again, Robin.
ROBIN: We never get any breaks. I’m amazed that the president’s being so honest with us today. Are you open to talking about everything, Mr. President?
CLINTON: Call me Bill. Yeah, everything's on the table. Ask away.
ROBIN: Well Bill, there are those who believe that you had people murdered to get and hold onto your power. Did you have anything to do with the death of Vince Foster?
CLINTON: No comment on that one.
ROBIN: What about Jim McDougal?
CLINTON: No comment there, either.
ROBIN: Those kids in the Starbucks coffee shop?
CLINTON: Actually, Robin, I really didn’t have anything to do with that one. It just worked out well for me on its own.
ROBIN: What about Ron Brown?
CLINTON: No comment.
HOWARD: Robin, this is my show. That stuff’s boring, let’s ask the important questions. Mr. President, which way does your penis bend?
CLINTON: To the left. You wanna see it?
HOWARD: Of course! Jackie, Fred, Robin, we’re gonna see the Presidential penis! Ooooh hoooo, Saturday Night Live doesn’t have a chance this week!!
CLINTON: You’re not gonna sue me now are you? I don’t want to go through that again!
HOWARD: Of course not. Ahh! There it is!! The presidential penis! Oh, the stories it could tell.
ROBIN: It’s not very big, though.
CLINTON: Come here, my little chocolate cupcake. It’s big enough - if you know what you’re doing. I’m still a legend in Arkansas.
ROBIN: Well it didn’t keep Hillary around once you left office.
CLINTON: Yeah, well it wasn’t enough like a vagina, if you know what I mean.
HOWARD: Are you saying what I think you’re saying?
CLINTON: I’m not saying anything about that. She’s the one with the FBI files. She knows where the bodies are buried…so to speak…hehe… I gotta be more careful. Let me put this thing away.
ROBIN: Well, were you ever intimidated by her legendary intelligence?
CLINTON: Are you on crack?! She spouts nothing but liberal platitudes and pabulum. Just once, I wish that cow had a thought as deep as her footprints!
HOWARD: Ouch. So you guys weren’t sleeping together then, were you?
CLINTON: Did you see those cankles on her? Please, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick.
ROBIN: What are cankles?
CLINTON: Robin, how can you not know that? You’re a newswoman, for godssake. When a woman’s calves and ankles are so fat that they just become one thick mass, she’s got cankles.
JACKIE: That’s as old as the hills Robin, where've you been?
HOWARD: Shut up, Jackie, the president doesn’t want to hear from you. Anyway Robin, let’s start the news while the president’s still here.
ROBIN: Well, let’s start with Kosovo. The AP wire is reporting that 60,000 NATO troops are still hunkered down in Pec, absorbing heavy casualties. A 90,000 man reinforcement force is bogged down in Prizen, apparently hemmed in by a small band of Serbian irregulars armed with chemical weapons supplied by Russia.
CLINTON: Well, let me just say that my prayers go out to those soldiers. The blood they spill will eventually make the world a better place for all our children. For this, I, and the whole country, are eternally grateful.
HOWARD: Wow! That was so cool. You really sounded sincere.
CLINTON: Thanks, its a gift. I can turn it on and off anytime I want. Wanna see me cry? Time me.
HOWARD: OK…one mississippi…two mississippi…there it is! Two mississippi and your tears are on your cheek. I had to use onions to cry in my movie. What else is in the news Robin?
ROBIN: Well the fighting between Greece and Turkey has intensified since last week’s assassination of Greek Premier Costas Simitis. Turkish forces have established a beach head on Greece’s west coast, but Greece is threatening to use biological weapons to drive them back into the sea. Meanwhile, Bulgaria has used the escalation of the Balkan War as a pretext to annex Macedonia. The Macedonian resistance has released data on their tactical nuclear arsenal, in an attempt to intimidate the Bulgarians into leaving.
CLINTON: Oops. Thank God for term limits!! Junior’s sure got his hands full.
HOWARD: Enough Balkan stuff. What about that rape? Did you do it?
CLINTON: My lawyer has advised me to continue to deny it, unless she shows up with some evidence. So, no, I did not rape that woman.
HOWARD: Besides, you wouldn't have raped her if she had just said "Yes".
CLINTON: Of course not, but she...Hey! Cut that out. I did not rape that woman...ya think anyone’s buying it?
HOWARD: Nah, what about Paula Jones? You did show her your penis, didn’t you?
CLINTON: Of course. She’s got her money, now, so what the hell, I’ll admit it. I was just looking for a little strange.
HOWARD: What’s the big deal? You were governor. She should have done it for the good of her state. And Willey coulda put out, too. It’s supposed to be an honor when the president hits on you.
CLINTON: That’s exactly right. Willey was a big crybaby. I gave her boobs a little squeeze, is all. Big deal.
ROBIN: On the domestic front, the Senate hearings on Chinese espionage have determined beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chinese military money was given to Democratic Party in exchange for nuclear weapons technology.
CLINTON: I'd do it again, if I had to. I might have lost the election otherwise!
ROBIN: Well, the Republicans in the Senate, in the interest of maintaining an appearance of bipartisanship, have offered up a proposal for consideration. Their bill proposes that the two parties divvy up the country's remaining nuclear secrets, and then each would be free to sell their share to the highest bidder.
CLINTON: Hey do you guys want to go to Scores this afternoon? I am definitely in the mood for some strippers.
HOWARD: Absolutely! Baba Booey, you idiot, call Lonnie and tell him we're having a presidential party this afternoon.
CLINTON: Hey, you got any bucks I can borrow?
HOWARD: Don't worry, Lonnie will give us tons of funny money and the drinks are free.
CLINTON: Man, I chose the wrong line of work.
HOWARD: What's the matter, are you short of money?
CLINTON: Nah, I just got cash flow problems. I converted all my Chinese money into gold bricks, and deposited the stuff I siphoned off the defense budget overseas. It's a little tough to get at quickly. It's billions, though.
BABA BOOEY: Howard, the president's people say he has to get going now.
HOWARD: Where are you going in such a hurry?
CLINTON: I gotta go do Regis and Kathie Lee next.
HOWARD: Are you gonna bang Kathie Lee?
CLINTON: I’m sure gonna try. Frank’s a wrinkled old prune. I’m sure that little wench needs a good bang.
HOWARD: Of course she does, she’s a frustrated firecracker. So we'll see you at Scores later today.
CLINTON: Wouldn't miss it! Kathie Lee's probably a long shot.
HOWARD: Don't be so sure, Mr. President. You have to come back, I have so much more to ask you. Hey! Did you ever do Eleanor Mondale and Markie Post?
CLINTON: I gotta run, Howard.
JACKIE: That's a yes!!
THE END
The Alanis Morissette song “Ironic” comes to mind. Wouldn’t it be ironic (and a real shame) if this ridiculous scumbag were to catch the rona and die?
That group has hundreds of millions. Except for having lots of money they are unhappy people.
You sound like me! You just pretty much described the pandemic I lived as well. It WAS nice how everyone stayed in I do miss that.
1000% certain someone he came in contact with is carrying Omicron BA5. Enjoy, Howard. Mazeltov.
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