Posted on 05/15/2022 3:03:46 AM PDT by sodpoodle
- Reading can seriously damage your ignorance
- The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
- Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
- Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
- Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.
- Drinking 42 cups of coffee at one sitting will kill you with a caffeine overdose, please stop at 41.
- “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.” “Great, I’ll start later.”
- Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.
- If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.
- Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you?
- “I’m 85 and my body is full of aches and pains.” “Well, I’m 85 and I feel like a newborn baby.” “Really?” “Yep, no teeth, no hair, and I just wet my pants.”
- When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.
- Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
- When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
- Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”
- Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
- Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate either one.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
- If you see me talking to myself just move along. I’m self-employed, and we’re having a meeting.
- “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.
- I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m aging like milk. Getting sour and chunky.
- Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
- I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime.
- Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
- Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
- So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
God bless
My dear friend sent this video “Captain Kirk Meets Joe Biden” - it’s hilarious!!!
https://www.armstrongeconomics.com/humor/captain-kirk-meets-joe-biden/
bump
Dear Sodpoodle,
I am 76, in one column you have captured my whole life’s learnings. Impressive!
In return I’d like to offer this; in Lincolnshire, England, in the South Wolds the is a very remote spot called Sod’s Hole. Contemplate that for a while. I still haven’t figured it out but it is a true place.
I gave it a try. Cannot even bring myself to laugh anymore about this a-hole.
A sodpoodle is, of course, a prairie dog;)
In England, the term ‘sod’ is similar to ‘SOB’ or ‘**s-hole’
This hits home. When I was 5, I was getting acquainted with the computer. A cousin, 40 years older than me, still had people talking about his childhood penchant for eating dirt when he was a tot.
I feel better already.. There's several plastic bags of plastic bags hangin around here.
Some are heavier duty than others.. d;^)
Ping
I’m saving your post. Thanks for a few laughs.
And may God bless toy too.
“Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.”
8^)
5.56mm
I don't know how to act my age, I've never been this old before.
Sod short for sodomist
Back in ‘73 I was listening to an FM radio station about 1 AM prior to dropping off. A tract by Firesign Theater came on. This old codger was telling a yarn about prairie dog fishing from his front porch during a prairie dog stampede. He was going on about what surf rod, reel, and line he used and no. 1-0 treble hooks. He said if ya hooked one just and gave the rod a quick snap it would strip the coat and turn it inside out for drying. He would send away to a taxidermy supply shop in St. Louis for no. 10 blue marlin eyes as it gave his stuffed prairie dogs just the right look. The old codger then segued in a story about Mexican migrants mining phosphate slabs down in one of his arroyos and carving them into panoramic 3-D scenes of the Last Supper. They’d mount these carvings onto the sides of old pickup trucks an sold em on. Evidently had good business as these panels glowed in the dark. Well I was rolling on the floor. I’ve been looking for that routine on media ever since and never found it.
Do you live in prairie dog country? If you’d like some company during the next stampede season I could be pursued. Don’t be concerned about vittles an beer
as do a good chili and will bring enough Lonestart to more than get us through. I, myself, prefer a stiff 7 foot shark rod with an open-faced Penn 501 and 30 lb mono…
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.