Reads as if a teen was writing it.
That's about as good as writing gets from most college graduates these days. They are not taught to write properly. They can't diagram a sentence, and they certainly don't understand grammar. How do I know? My wife teaches accreditation art classes at two private universities where writing is a requirement. These kids suck, believe me. Even the A-types writings are what we'd have considered mediocre in the 70's and 80's. We often get a belly laugh out of their stupidity and lack of a grasp on their native language.
That's because 28 is the new 14.