You’ve heard of the War on Christmas? This song is the sinking of the Lusitania — the atrocity that makes previously peaceful civilians decide this war might be a groovy idea. “The Little Drummer Boy” would be at the top of this list no matter who sings it, even legends like Joan Jett or Bob Seger — the absolute ghastliest of holiday tunes. But Jessica and Ashlee Simpson put all their sisterly power into it, like they’re saying “You already think this thing sucks? Just you wait!” Each “pa-rum-pa pum-pum” is another drop in their musical waterboarding. Respect to the Simpson sisters for making every other “Little Drummer Boy” out there look tame. Christmas, you chose violence. —R.S.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Usually by Thanksgiving I am already pa-rum-pa-pummed out. I think what makes it worse is that every single singer who knows how to strum two chords on a guitar has produced a version of it and radio stations dedicated to Christmas music play some version as every other song.
You have to work pretty hard to come in fourth place way behind myrrh as a gift for Jesus, but somehow that drummer did it.
Ian Brady in the UK played Little Drummer Boy when murdering a young girl.
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‘You have to work pretty hard to come in fourth place way behind myrrh as a gift for Jesus, but somehow that drummer did it.’
just what every mother who’s just given birth wants to see; some kid banging on a drum right next to her...