Posted on 12/16/2020 12:50:53 PM PST by gattaca
BEIJING—Sources within the Chinese government confirmed today that the spy who was assigned to date Rep. Eric Swalwell and get information from him abruptly returned to China and begged to be sent to a labor camp instead.
"Please -- don't make me go back!" she begged after returning to China in 2015. "I'll do anything! I'll break rocks! I'll build a railroad! I'll -- I'll even make shoes for Nike! Just don't make me go back and date that man again!"
"It's cruel and unusual punishment. Which, I guess, is allowed here, but still. It's not a good look," she said.
An international human rights board agreed, putting pressure on the Chinese government to stop forcing spies to date Eric Swalwell and other U.S. congressmen. "We call on the Chinese to resort to traditional methods of punishment like labor camps, torture, and just straight-up executing citizens rather than the cruelty of sending spies to America to date congressmen."
President Xi Jinping, ever a gracious ruler, granted her request, and she has been sent to a forced labor camp rather than having to go back to date a U.S. congressman like Eric Swalwell. Though several Americans have reported getting strange messages scrawled on the inside of their Nikes like "Christine Fang here please send help" and "Eric Swalwell really did fart on live TV."
Elic smell like bad Kimchee.
#DutchOvenEric
Can’t say she wasn’t dedicated to her cause....
She earned her position, so to speak.
I wonder what her cover story was here in the USA? Recent Chinese exchange student? Immigrant? Politically concerned business woman? She had to tell Swalwell and the mayors something other than “I am a lieutenant in the Chinese Intelligence Corps.”
No pair, he part. He stinkee!
After that slob, SwallowsWell must have seemed like Brad Pitt.
She isn’t a spy!! Swallwell and the other pols willingly give up the goods!!!
SHE IS A COLLABORATOR
It’s sad that Babylon Bee is currently at the top of the list for journalistic integrity.
Eric then has had sex with all her contacts! So he has done it with some of his fellow politicos! Six ways to Fang-Fang.
This has to be a fake story. Since when has a Chinese speaker ever used the word “a” or a contraction in a sentence? “I break rairroad!” Would have been a more suited quote
I can see that.
DANG!
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