The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news.
You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting
room where her daughter had been waiting.
‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when
things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer.
So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends,
who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed
with AIDS.’ The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences
and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered,
‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your
friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?’
‘Because I don’t want any of those b!tches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, ‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’
Two in row! Good stuff.
My elderly neighbor was out in the yard the same time I was so I walked over to have a chat, as we so often have, over the years.
“Hey Walter! What’s new?”, I asked
“Oh. I’ve bad news,” he said. “I have aids”.
My jaw dropped. We’ve been neighbors for years. Walter and his wife Emily are like grand parents to our kids. Such wonderful people. “Oh Walter, I’m so sad to hear this! Are you sure it’s aids?”
“Yup. Aids! Medic-aid....Hearing aids...band aides....”