Let's be clear. You know, this is a president who went out there and colluded with a foreign power to try to smear me. No one, no one under oath or any other way has ever suggested I did anything other than my job is Vice President of the United States and did it with as his leading members of his administrations under oath with complete integrity and honesty carrying out the policy not only of the United States but of all of our allies and all of Europe, to force better consensus and reduce uh corruption in Ukraine. But, you know, uh, the fact is that, uh, they slandered me and slandered my only surviving son…by the way, did any of you see what Joni Ernst said the other day? Whoa. Joni, Joni, Joni. She spilled the beans. You know, uh, she just came out and said it. The whole impeachment trial for Trump was just a bit of political hit job to spare me from the standpoint of some of Joni and her friends, it is not, it’s not, uh uh you know it’s how scared Trump is to running it, and, look here's what she said. Iowa caucuses, uh excuse me, Iowa caucuses are next Monday. I’m really interested to see how this discussion, meaning, the discussion about me on the floor of the Senate with republican prosecutors, er re-re-republican defense attorneys for the president, how this discussion today, two days ago, this discussion today informs and influences Iowa caucus voters. Will they be supporting Vice President Biden at this point? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeow! I tell you what, that’s like just flat-out acknowledging, we've been doing whatever we can do to keep Biden from being the nominee and, guess what, we tried it in in Iraq, it’s not working so now were gonna try, I mean in Iran, excuse me, we tried in Ukraine, look you almost got us in a war in Iran, people got hurt in Iraq, folks, I mean this is like something, like something out of Alice in Wonderland. And then, and then, she’s like totally, one commentator called it, and I want to quote this, it’s like screaming the quiet part into the bullhorn. Ha, ha, ha, ha.Yes, this is real. He was talking to a group in Council Bluffs, Iowa before the caucus.
Until I read your last sentence, I thought you were some aspiring comedy writer who really needed to keep your day job... just painful.
What a babbling idiot.
I knew that reminded me of something!
What a pal. {He grabs a bar of soap that floats up off of the soap dish} Ahhhh. This is the good life. Just relax... and let my mind drift. {He rises up in a block of water and hovers over the now empty bathtub} Yeah... I’ll just lie back, and think pleasant thoughts. {A pie appears by his head} Chicken pot pie... {The pie vanishes and some chocolate-covered raisins appear} Chocolate-covered raisins... {The raisins vanish and a ham appears} Eh... glazed ham! {The ham vanishes} Ohhh!
They think I’m crazy, but I know better. It is not I who am crazy. It is I who am MAD! Didn’t you hear them? Can’t you see the crowds?
{holding the soap with his feet} Oh, my beloved ice cream bar...{He grabs the soap with his hands}...how I love to lick your creamy center! {He takes three large bites of the soap and eats it. Soap bubbles start to flow out of his mouth} And your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You’re not like the others. You like the same things I do. Wax paper...boiled football leather...DOG BREATH!
We’re not hitchhiking anymore! We’re RIDING!
Bingo! Notice how he always plays the dead son card, as if it is some sort of defense.