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Well I watched episode 2 here’s my recap, I enjoy recapping crap for some reason

SPOILER ALERT

Flashback 14 years, the robot rebellion on Mars. So they are basically slaves, not clear how “sentient” they are, kept in a shipping container at night and made fun of by the human workers for not getting bad jokes.

As in all evil robot fiction they all get taken over somehow and start killing humans (they only show the one though). Bad Robot lowers the shields, these ships come and bomb the ship yards and the bad robot shoots himself for some reason even though he’s about to get blown up with the rest of the shipyards.

Back in the Present

Borg Cube. It’s called “the artifact” it’s cut-off from the collective. The “Romulan Free State” owns it and is making bank off it’s technology. Bunch of federation citizens are there working to “reclaim” catatonic ex-borg. Real humanitarians.

Twinsister is one of those people, she’s spread her legs for that Romunlan dude, who is off-puttingly bearded and British. I will call him Cumberbatch.

Someone does some surgery on a drone, takes out all the implants, even the eye thing, the real eye is bloody and effed up under there.

Back to Earth

So both Picard’s butler and housekeeper are Romulans (I didn’t notice the Chick’s ears before) and I shiite you not, Ex Tal Shiar (Romulan intelligence). Would you want an ex spy to pick up your broken tea set? Why can’t you use a reverse replicator vacuum to deal with that?

So the Housekeeper, she sounds Irishish, the dude seems so human and American that it’s off-putting.

Now I don’t know their names, I’m gonna call the chick SexyEars, she’s a little older but I like the accent. The dude I will call Jeeves.

So they are distressed there are no particles left over of dead girl. “They erased her” They speculate on the existence of some mythical deep state cult within/beyond the Tal Shiar called the Ican’trememberthestupid name. Let’s call them the Illuminati.

Now these supposed people that 100% exist despite Jeeves thinking they are a children’s story (and never seeming to do anything in Star Trek before) secretly HATE AND FEAR artificial intelligence for some reason than I would guess is borg related. Turns out all Romulan computers just do math, they don’t even have Alexa or Siri I guess.

Picard and SexyEars go to dead girl’s apartment, she uses banned and supposedly unreliable but actually probably very reliable and super useful Romulan technology to magically recreate particles so you see and hear ghost images of dead girl and her BF before they were killed. CSI: Romulus must be a pretty boring show.

It doesn’t work though cause some Romunlan agents have been in and “scrubbed” the place of particles. These are real pros.

She does hacker stuff with the also scrubbed phone records that is vaguely interesting and deduces that the “closer than a twin” sister is not on Earth.

Picard gets a house call from an old friend, his medical officer on the “Stargazer” I guess. Picard wants him to clear him for Starfleet duty. But uh-oh spigettios, he has something vague wrong with his brain that he knew “might be a problem in the future”. His strange dreams about Data are a symptom and it sounds like unpleasant Spock’s dad style death will occur. The doc will lie for him though and says Picard will be lucky if he dies “out there” instead.

Picard goes to starfleet HQ, steps out of what seems like a two way portal outside, there are a bunch of them in row people come out one way while people are also walking the opposite way and disappearing into them. No one walks into each other though even though I’m fairly sure they were all two-way.

Security dude does not recognize Picard.

Picard goes to Starfleet’s Chief Bitch Admiral, asks for a small ship to go do a vague investigation of Bruce Maddox (that scientist asshole) is using “Data’s neurons” to make new androids allegations. We owe it to Data to tend to his illegally created “children”!!!!!

Admiral has PMS even though she is too old, she chews Picard out for his tv interview and states that lots of Federation races were so pissed off about helping Romulans that they were gonna Brexit from the Federation and that was BEFORE they lost the shipyards, there was just no way the Federation could keep helping.

She tells Picard to F right off and go straight to hell. Not in those words but she did use the F word. Nechayev was never this mean to Picard!!

Picard has Blonde Science Chick over to his house, she picks up an Asimov book. Picard: “I never liked science fiction.” Haha how very meta.

He does her on the coffee table, hard. Just kidding. They have tea, and BSC says Dead Girl’s records were created out of no where 3 years ago.

Picard takes a flying “taxi” out to the middle of nowhere (why not beam? Why are there flying cars everywhere anyway) to some Black girl’s 25th century trailer, (Michelle Hurd, Season 1 of “Law and Order: SVU) she is pissed to see him, threatens to shoot, gun control failure? Finally some good news about the future. But he has Romulan intrigue and he brought a good vintage so....

She’s someone who can get him a ship supposedly. He doesn’t want to get any of his friends in trouble.

Meanwhile Admiral PMS calls up some Vulcan but Romunlan acting Commodore (I love than rank, glad they still use it) who must be Section 31 though they don’t say it, look into this Picard crap would you Commodore? Oh yes I will but of course there cannot possibly be Romulan agents on Earth.

Commodore chews out her crack underling, “her” team “killed that thing” (dead girl) without getting to interrogate it. Uh oh, section 31 is colluding with the Illuminati. Underling wants Picard dead, Commodore says hold up I’ll take care of him if necessary.

Underling is a Romulan in disguse. She makes a hologram call to her brother, Cumberbatch, and scolds him for banging the twin instead of getting info out of her “Where are the others”.

Twin sister, like dead twin, clearly doesn’t know anything on a conscious level about her nature or any “others”.