I have been searching for words to describe how I felt after reading this particular post. Not to denigrate any other post you have made because yours are well researched, well worded, appropriate, concise and meaningful.
Heart.
That is the word.
Your heart shows here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am humbled by your praise and surprised that you found that post qualitatively different from others.
Even more surprised that you referenced “heart”.
In giving it some thought, I realize that I felt closer to God in that post. Thinking so much could change for so many the day of the rally, I felt at a loss for words and asked God repeatedly to tell me what to say. I went to sleep wondering if it “worked” to meet the need I perceived.
Your kind words convince me that God answered my prayer for help writing it; and to the extent that I was aware of my need and love for Him, I think His love for us must have bled through a little.
I increasingly ask him what to write and what to pray because it seems more complex as we travel through the storm together. On the post you reference, I did feel I received His help with being more specific about what I was requesting.
A word about prayer:
I have spent most of my life struggling to learn how to pray - to say the truth to Him with the closeness of a daughter speaking to the Best Father In the World while mindful that His Majesty is Mighty Creator of everything.
Throughout the last two years, the need for prayer has slowly strengthened my capacity to pray.
But then my old habits of “over thinking it” return again and again. Some (goofy) examples, “Father in Heaven, please help me learn how to...because...oh, but you know this already...” or “Father, please let (example) Martha feel Your comforting presence right now because she’s so...oh, but You love her even more than we do so it’s not like I have to beg....”
I struggle most with public prayer. The attention of others listening or reading sometimes overwhelm me. For months I struggled to faithfully put prayer into my introductory posts at the top of the threads for this reason, and then stopped for awhile, hoping no one would notice. At that time, I think it was a Brendan Dilly (sp?) video I watched wherein he looked intently into the camera, seemingly right into my eyes, while saying firmly, and with seeming incredulity, “Some people don’t seem to realize that we must pray EVERY TIME” to win the battle against the NWO Satanists.
He repeated his exhortation with an absolute air of command and I could not escape the knowledge that, while he couldn’t know me personally, his message was meant for people like me. It was all I could do to resist the urge to “DROP AND DO 20! ” (pushups) while watching his video, so the speaker was likely retired military.
So I began posting prayers MUCH more regularly. When I fail to do so, I have to work to push images that man’s stern command out of my mind (e.g., he explicitly gave a direct order to those of us retreating from this critical need). I believe the impact of his words resulted in spiritual conviction rather than guilt; my self-esteem doesn’t squirm when I knowingly skip prayer; I feel like I know I’ve shirked my duties.
Some on this thread may perceive my frequent use of prayer as excessive while others may receive the impression that I am more disciplined in prayer than I actually am. A FReeQ friend recently confirmed the latter when describing my use of spiritual faith on our threads as, “Hard Core Christianity” and was shocked when I was stunned.
I also worry that our atheists or persons of non-Christian faiths within our thread family might feel hectored/lectured by my references to Christianity. My FReeQ friend asked, “Well if you worry about all these things, why do you still do it?”
I said, “I have to. I believe this is the only way we win this thing.” In the resulting silence I struggled to explain, “This is THE weapon against evil. That’s why Q has always exhorted us to pray; they know the enemy we’re fighting and they armed us to fight with prayer.” Still searching for words, I said, “It is the tip of the spear we use to fight to our enemies.”
I receive many prayers of blessing and support regularly from FReepers, FReeQs and lurkers. To the extent I have and continue to grow in my ability to pray, YOUR PRAYERS FOR ME AND OUR THREAD ARE AT WORK.
So I am particularly blessed to hear that anyone perceived “heart” in that post because it confirms my impression that I continue to inch closer to Him. The evil forces we fight have driven me closer to the side of God because GOD WINS.
ThankQ
