The South: We’re seceding because you elected a guy who doesn’t like slavery
The North: We don’t think you can secede, but let’s talk about slavery. We’re prepared to guarantee you can keep it
The South: We’ve already left. Get the rest of your Yankee troops out of our forts!
The North: They’re still ours. Wanna talk things over?
The South: We’ll talk, nation to nation.
The North: You’re not a nation.
The South: (starts shooting)
The North: Okay, you wanted a war...Here we come. But not all of us. And we don’t want your slaves.
The South: The Yankees started a war! The Yankees started a war! The Yankees are invading us! We just wanted to be left alone!
Excellent summary.