Posted on 08/16/2018 11:21:08 AM PDT by heterosupremacist
Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BC.
A joke is described as something that is spoken, written or done with humorous intention. They can come in many forms. On National Tell a Joke Day, try a one-liner or a knock-knock joke if you aren’t comfortable with the whole comedic act that can be involved in the short story versions.
Some simply rely on gestures to express humor.
With humor, timing and delivery can be an essential element. Without it, the joke will fall flat. Be sure to know the audience. Clown jokes may not go over well at a phobia convention.
In moderation, laughter is healthy, uses the abdominal muscles and releases endorphins (natural “feel good” chemicals) into the brain...
(Excerpt) Read more at nationaldaycalendar.com ...
Excellent!!
That was a Pirate Perfidity!
Boy fell in the Mud,,,
The only joke I could
Think of.
What’s Irish and sits in your backyard? Paddy O’furniture.
I miss Rodney.
What do you get...
When you cross an onion
with a Donkey?
“Paddy O’furniture.”
LOL!
Bookmark! Thanks for making the day brighter!
Laughter is the best medicine!
my pleasure...
"Listen up," he yells, "I have a Colt M1911 .45 caliber pistol with seven rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. And I want to know who here has been sleeping with my wife."
From the back of the room comes a voice, "You're going to need more ammunition than that."
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob ..
"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
A circus owner runs an ad for a "Lion Tamer Wanted" and two people show up. One is an old golfer in his seventies, the other a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a great body in her twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
"Here's your equipment… a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion gets all heated up, starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat, revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
Then he turns to the old golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies… "Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.
I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
(The officer walked away in tears, laughing)
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