I understand how you feel about your husband, as well. We all seek to protect those we love. My husband's mom was raging alcoholic and some of the stories he told really angered me.
But the past is gone. Memories good and bad, are simply “what was”. Some of us feel compelled to relive it as if it could be changed, but it can not be changed.
If I say I have permanent emotional damage, I do not sell myself short by the admission... but I'm selling God short, because God can heal all these things.
I need forgiveness and healing the same as my abusers. Perhaps my abusers formed an unfeeling , selfish person, , but I alone am responsible for my future actions.
I'm saying, I understand me, but that does not excuse me. Lol!
Did I say I was a bit manic also?
Something I slap myself up side the head with as well. You are a wise woman. Accepting God into my life is the only reason I stuck around to be an old woman. He has made a vast difference for me.
:-) I think I was more angry at my fil than my husband - but youre right, everyone needs forgiveness. Me included.
My sister always says she and I are damaged goods because of being victims of our mother’s alcoholism and mental illness and the way she abused us, more psychologically (in cruel ways) than physically but both. At 67 (her) and 72 (me) everybody says “get over it, that was a long time ago.” You know that glib statement doesn’t work. Low self-esteem, low self-confidence, anger issues—we’ve got ‘em.
I can tell from your many past posts you are a bright and good person and no matter what you have been through it didn’t take away that goodness that is at your core.
Never give up faith that God is working to help us in ways that are behind the scenes but He is guiding us if keep that faith.
God bless you.