>>I knew I would get stupid answers replete with incoherent straw man analogies.<<
You provide a nonsensical scenario, you should expect equally nonsensical analogies.
I could have used a “your kids on the moon” analogy since it is equally likely as the scenario you posited.
It's called a hypothetical. It's a logic exercise. From certain people all you get are idiotic responses and I generally know which ones.